Relationships

After basic attraction, all I really want is someone to share my life with - the things I enjoy, love and value. Someone to offer a little understanding when it might be hard to find in the world. Someone who appreciates me for who I am and what I do and someone I appreciate for the same reason. Someone who wants to spend time with me, because I enjoy that.

Thoughts from today's sermon

Community : To know and to be known

How can there be peace in the world if I can't find equanimity in myself after doing something as simple as reading a biased article

Move the needle

Focus on the big problems, go slowly, and spend time to solve them well. Don't sweat the small things and just focus on doing an excellent job. Being busy won't take you very far, solving big problems will.

Tact

Saying the right thing, in the right way, at the right time...

Data vs Narratives

A simple and intuitive narrative is a great way to spread information - people like a good story. Unfortunately what I am realizing is that a good narrative is actually more powerful than raw data that might contradict it. It's hard to get people to let go of a storyline they buy into.

My strategy for undoing this is to first acknowledge that it makes sense (or else they will want to teach you why it is right - unnecessary if you have studied it extensively). Next, show data in a simple way that highlights the error their thinking. Last, Next, offer an equally compelling, alternative story line to replace the one you just undid. You also have to make sure to emotionally connect while you are trying to get someone to see a different point of view. People aren't too keen on giving up exchanging their views for those of someone they don't find to be likable.

What I believe

I spend so much time forming my opinions in reaction to what other people believe that I often fail to take the time to sit down and write out what I really believe. I have done this with economics and things make so much more sense. I need to do the same for other areas of my life.

Post-industrial materialism

To be a good materialist, in the strict sense, you need to be an excellent capitalist. 

Materialism (adj. materialistic) is the excessive desire to acquire and consume material goods. It is often bound up with a value system which regards social status as being determined by affluence (see conspicuous consumption) as well as the perception that happiness can be increased through buying, spending and accumulating material wealth.

Capitalist -  a person who has capital especially invested in business;broadly :  a person of wealth :  plutocrat

However, materialism is just a symptom of a more severe disease. Materialism is simply the food for an ego with an endless appetite. It briefly satiates the hunger we have for meaning and purpose. 

To me, it seems rather clear modern materialism is about positioning yourself socially above others and publicly demonstrating your wealth. Materialism used to offer some physical benefit in that it might provide for a more comfortable or tasty existence. However in a world we homeostasis is all but guaranteed for a middle class person, additional capital is mostly directed at more expensive brands and has increasingly less to do with comfort. 

Wealth has historically been the most direct way to demonstrate this to others. However, we are slowly transitioning to a new age. Credit has made wealth subject to skepticism and (because of the recession) it's also becoming increasingly unfashionable to be ostentatious. 

The social currency of our age is no longer (or at least it won't be for long) a nice car, a big house or nice clothes (particularly in an age when environmentalism is one of the highest values). What matters is the public projection of one's digital image. It doesn't cost anything. In many ways it boils down to three things: pictures with beautiful people, travel photos and photos doing extreme or interesting things. I am the worst offender. In the end it's about ego. All it does is eat at the soul of others. It's hollow. It's the new rat race. Today we accumulate media not capital.

____

To be clear: I was contrasting capitalism and materialism with some friends (because they are often erroneously viewed as the same thing). In response a friend posted the definition of capitalist which is quite different (and quite similar, and likely the source of the confusion - we can thank Marx for that). I pointed out that you can be a humble, ecofriendly hermit who only uses barter and be a shining example of capitalism. The hallmarks of materialism: greed, industrial destruction, and ostentatious displays can exist under any economic system. Capitalism is simply an economic system that allows for the voluntary exchange of goods and services for mutual benefit. It says nothing about the underlying reasons for those transactions or the values of its participants.

Breaking through

I think doubt is natural, particularly when one has non-mainstream opinions.Things are easier when you don't disagree. You certainly don't want to be on the opposite side of things that might make you appear to be a bad person in the eyes of someone else. And like any idea, one must question them to test their authenticity. Eventually though, after enough deep questioning, you eventually have to trust your own conclusions (but still keep an open mind) and move forward with strongly held minority views. I think I am pretty close to that point now.

Planning

I just realized why I hate planning. I don't necessarily mind the structure, though that can be bothersome too. What I really hate is the selection process for something as simple as a hotel. Add in coupon codes and discount websites and the possibilities become exponential. On top of that add in a rental car and and local sights and you have even more to think about. All the planning almost necessitates a vacation just to unwind from all the choices. It's enough to fry my brain. It's so much easier to know I have a friend in another city and that I can just hop in the car and go visit them. They can tell me what's interesting when I get there. Just me, the open road and a few days to see something new...

"New? New is easy. Right is hard."

-Craig Federighi, SVP of Software at Apple on adding new features to the iPhone.

"We didn't start with 10 bits of technology that we could try go find a use for that we could add to our features list."

I think it's a good reminder for life.

It's a been a while

I made a lot of progress earlier this year when I stuck to my new year's resolutions. I haven't done as much of that (or writing, or dinners with friends or  watched interesting films) over the past few months. In some ways I feel like I have been running from myself. While I have been doing lots of fun and interesting things I haven't been as purposeful as I would like. I feel a bit aimless and empty. I just come home and piss away my afternoons at the gym or dabbling on social media. I don't know what it's so hard for me to plan out what I enjoy (and need) and go after it. I guess it boils down to the fact that I am not living very deliberately.

What do I need more of?

• Meaningful companionship with people who draw out my feelinsgs 
• New Ideas that force me to challenge the way I see the world
• New challenges/project (physical, mental artistic)

As I write this, I feel this process is a bit cyclical. I have already planned out how to do all of those things above in great detail, in prior posts. I have just failed to execute and stick to the plan I have created. I lack discipline (ok, just bought a book on Amazon about self-discipline and will power). I am also a bit lazy and unfocused and tend to let my attention drift to whatever is the most pleasurable thing to do at a given moment regardless of what might be more important in the long run. 

I need to find out some ways to help other people. I have everything I need. Mentoring at Epworth was nice. I am always seeking ways to fill my time. I need to stop being so self-absorbed  

Now that I think about it though, I am a little lonely. I have lost a lot of friends to jobs, relationships, marriage and kids. I can look at the table of good friends I assembled for a Sunday dinners earlier this year - two moved, two have a newborn and another is in a relationship. My roommate will soon be moving to New York and the other moved away a few months ago. I need to take a little time to soak this in. It all sort of happened while I busied myself with work. 

Life Highlights:

Recently promoted to full time at work (nice raise and more interesting work)

just biked over 100 miles from near Columbia to Folly Beach

Road trips to Charleston, Athens, Clemson, Asheville 

Saw a few interesting botanical gardens and plantations in Athens, Charleston and Clemson

To be missed you have to be away for a while... Today was a good reminder

Be careful what you wish for

“The more we reward those things that we can measure, and not reward the things we care about but don’t measure, the more we will distort behavior,” observed Burton Weisbrod, a professor of economics at Northwestern University who was a pioneer in research on the comparative behavior of nonprofit institutions, corporations and government organizations. As Professor Fisman and Mr. Sullivan put it: “If what gets measured is what gets managed, then what gets managed is what gets done.”

Rewarding teachers for how well their students perform on standard math and reading tests will encourage lots of teaching of reading and math, at the expense of other things an education might provide. Private prison operators who bid for government contracts by offering the lowest cost per inmate will most likely focus on cutting costs rather than tightening security. Unsupervised apple pickers who are paid by the apple will probably pick them off the ground.

-NYT 1/15/2013

There are two lessons here. One is to be acutely aware of what you are and are not measuring. The more important, and more subtle point is that it is very important to examine the incentive structure you are creating (the apples analogy above). You will end up with the behavior incentivized by the system you put in place, regardless of how well-intentioned your ideas might have been. 

Now consider Social Security and savings rates, subsides for childbirth and the number of poorly planned pregnancies, federal mortgage guarantees and sloppy mortgage practices, or most anything in government for that matter. It's not to say that government is bad, it's just that it requires very thoughtful planning and dynamic responses - two things that aren't very common in a highly polarized society governed by vote counting legislators  run by government agencies who do not fear the economic consequences of their actions. 

Speed of consumption

I eat, almost like a medieval king at an annual feast - tearing mouthfuls of meat from the bone, huge gulps of wine, swallowing as fast as I can. I do this with everything from a glass of apple juice, to a bar of chocolate. I binge. Music. Technology. Intimate moments. Ideas. It's a pretty pervasive tendency.

I don't stop to let things settle in. I don't let flavors or moments linger. I guess the most accurate word is to savor. I just use whatever is presented before me to make the feeling I don't want, go away. This could be desire, loneliness, boredom, hunger and even positive things too (such as a source of attention). I guess this is making me realize the issue is a little more expansive than a tendency to indulge. I have a tendency to binge and take things to excess. It's not exactly an additive personality, but more a tendency to overdose.

It is also making me realize I tend to appreciate things for what they can do for me rather than what they really are.

This will give me something to work on in the coming weeks and months.

Unfettered regret

yolk slips through the nest
a blue broken robin's egg
oh, what might have been

So much to give

and no where to direct my energy and emotion... I find myself saying this far more frequently that I think is reasonable

Beauty is truth, truth beauty

I think it should be tweaked a bit:

-Beauty is gratitude, and gratitude love.

Each one is bigger, more generous version of the previous.

Women

Time to take a break from chasing the opposite sex. If they want to hang out, that's fine, but I've been wasting too much time lately surrounding myself with mindless company. I haven't spent time doing the things I enjoy or want to do because I have this incessant desire to keep myself accompanied. Sounds like a good 30 day challenge... Starting with the first football game

Keep an eye out

1) a gym/workout buddy
2) a wingman
3) a close group of challenging friends - time to clean house again and get active with the search

Blame it on the Alcohol

It's a well-known fact that alcohol reduces inhibition. What is also well known to me and my friends is how wild I am when I drink. If I think back to high-school, no alcohol was needed in order to induce the sort of mania that I sometimes seem to exhibit. It came naturally. With time, admonishment, tense encounters, and an occasional embarrassment these tendencies quieted themselves in daily life. However, like a dormant volcano that was only resting, my shadow self rises with a fermented fury after my 5th or 6th drink. The volume of my voice doubles, gravity ceases to matter as a leap over tables and bars, and strangers are nothing to be feared (the worst they can do is look at you funny). As I purposely kick and blur the boundaries of social acceptance tense situations are a risk (in addition to personal injury), but I am generally able to dissipate these situations as quickly as I create them.

Carnality bubbles to the surface and a raw sense of power almost drips through my veins. I'm also almost always exceedingly ebullient. My strangers always ask my friends "is he doing blow?."

What's most interesting to me about the whole thing is that this entirely different personality sits quietly within me each day as I sit at my cube, in church, in traffic, or through 3 hour films. Have I slowly through societal coercion and pragmatism unknowingly forced myself into voluntary domesticity? Have I thrown a wet blanket on the small embers that make my soul unique?

I don't know what it means, but the Jekyll & Hyde-ness of it all struck me as I woke up the morning and I wanted to write it down.

Biting my tongue is like pissing on the fire in my belly. I feel like crap when I hold back and relieved when I share how I really feel. I need to make sure I share how I feel in a thoughtful and tactful way. I don't like wondering "what if." I usually hold back out of fear (mostly to avoid a specific outcome I don't want), but usually just verbalizing it is enough to make that hollow feeling of dread go away. I should be more worried about repressing my feelings than I should about not getting what I want.

I've got to avoid talking about politics and controversial social issues with my friends, so they remain so. It's just an annoying habit I need to eliminate. The causes of beliefs are too deep to understand in a 30 minute chat over coffee and these things are best handled through long, dispassionate letters, books and emails anyway. I need to use the time I have with friends for more personal matters.

On being yourself

It seems pretty obvious, but to be fully happy being yourself requires people who understand you. I need to pay more attention to when I'm biting my tongue and generally holding back, as well as the times when I feel truly liberated to say what's on my mind (and accepted when I am able to do so).

After a while you come to expect disappointment in certain parts of life. I suppose it's not really disappointment though at that point, just skepticism. Though it's hard to feel the palpable glee like a child anxiously awaiting Santa's gifts, or a much-anticipated date later in life without pure disregard for disappointment.

Something about spaces like these that makes my soul feel free...

The difference between mediocre people and successful people is that successful people rarely come across a good idea without putting it to use

Tired

I went to Bonnaroo this past week and spent the days preceding it with friends who visited from out of town. I didn't sleep much while they were here and I slept even less while I was at the festival.

I left Sunday afternoon and rolled back into town Monday morning half falling asleep behind the wheel. Ordinarily I wouldn't want to be this tired but this week I interesting effect of my lack of sleep was that my brain sort of shut off all the outside noises. Oddly, this mental fog ended up helping me to be more clear in my presentation to others. Ordinarily I am trying to jump several steps ahead of people but for the past few days I have been able to pause before I speak, organize my thoughts, and generally catch myself before I put my foot in my mouth. Interestingly as the days have passed and I got more rest, I noticed this ability dissipated. Just something I wanted to note...

I cured my brain, but I never cured my soul. It's like I've been wearing clothes a half size too tight and I'm finally changing into my pajamas after a long day. I can breathe a little easier and my mind isn't isn't focused on the discomfort. It's like that moment when you change and see the lines impressed in your skin. If I wasn't so worried about sounding cliche I would have just said a knot in my chest is gone.


...but now the imprints are fading

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

I'd heard this quote before, but it rang particularly true today for some reason...

I haven't felt emotionally exhausted in a while, but after a presentation I had today at work, I just want to lay somewhere and sleep. I'm also kind of tired of trying to date people. I know this is a relatively constant source of emotional volatility for me and I think I'm looking forward to not dealing with it for a while as part of the withdrawal I planned. I'm also looking forward to a nap this afternoon, a good dinner and some Netflix.

It's funny people care more about local tomatoes than they do local politics...

Being Alone

I want to take the next month and work on being by myself again. I am going to go about this in a very simple way. Do not seek out people to spend time with. If they ask, then sure, but otherwise just keep to myself. I'm going to keep whatever engagements I already have, and go to any public meetings I want but out side those, I'll be with myself next month.

Sent from my iPhone

This feeling, like a finger poking me firmly in the belly just below the ribs was prompted by the return of an acquaintance who just made it back from the Peace Corp. I remember meeting her just over two years ago when she was talking about applying. I wasn't that close to her, but like me, she blogs (though clearly more for the sake of keeping friends/family in her life that for personal reasons) but it was interesting to contrast her own life with my own.

What is most concerning though is the sense of hollowness/emptiness that I had reading her posts. It's the same feeling I get when I go over a small hill in the road too quickly and the car is momentarily airborne. I don't really know what to make of it. It's always hard for me to make sense of my emotions which is why I try to pause and figure them out when I have unsettling ones.

After reading it, two things became very apparent. The first was that two years is not long at all (but by the same note -- it is a lot of time to waste). The second is that on a relative basis I have had very little growth. As much as I like to pretend I am changing and maturing, I am still relatively static. I have given up a few bad habits, but overall I think that I am still the same as I was when she left. I mean, I don't really know how much she has grown, but I can only imagine the transformation that had to occur after living in such bare bones conditions in a foreign land. While I don't think the Peace Corp is necessarily the right decision for me, I do think that here is likely something I could be doing that would be helping me to be the type of person I need to become. It's all to easy to get caught in a cycle of reasonably satisfying material improvements but moments like this remind me that time is so fleeting. She's lived in another country for two years, seen a different way of life, learned a new language, helped hundreds of people. You can do a lot in two years, or you can do very little.

Social media offers the promise of not being forgotten. I think that's the secret fear of many - that if we quit reaching out, if we quit showing off, if we stop the endless self-promotion, we will be forgotten. It's a struggle against the inevitable. This simple vanity offers those of us who aren't reflective the promise of meaning and purpose. Though if we want meaning, I think we have to do just the opposite and shine the spotlight elsewhere...

Status Update

All dressed up with a clean house and nowhere to go....

Well, that's a good time to write. Probably should go have another glass of wine and mediate first though. BRB. I will just do an update of my life since the start of the year.

This year has been really good financially. I refinanced my mortgage, did a home equity loan and refinanced everything thing else, and got a raise at work which also really nice. I also got in a wreck a few months ago which is ordinarily a bad thing. Fortunately this wreck, although rather nasty looking (a drunk driver ran a red light, hit my Jeep and spun it around causing it to hit the median and flip on its side), only resulted in some minor soreness. Fortunately, after some protracted "negotiations" with the insurance company I was able to get enough to replace my Jeep with another reliable car and have some money left over. I have been able to buy a few things I had wanted (like a new DSLR) and make some needed repairs/improvements to my house. In all, the improved cash flow/savings situation has allowed me polish up my lifestyle a little bit and given me the opportunity to buy a few things I have wanted and generally not have to worry about money as long as I don't make any big purchases. Two things I wouldn't have been able to do are work on small projects (like the patio I have been working on today) and the trip I went on last week (to New Orleans, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Canada and then the beach to spend time with the family) --at least without stressing out about it. I feel like now I am much closer to being able to have the life I envisioned I would have when I graduated college - one where work affords me some intellectual stimulation, doesn't suck up so much of my energy that I am drained when I make it home, provides enough money to work on projects I find interesting (around the house, artistic things, helping others) and to travel (both on interesting vacations and smaller road trips). I am also finally "proud" of what I have again. It's nothing special. I mean I drive a 10 year old car and live in a house in the hood, but I feel like I have a good life again. Everything works, is clean, and is reliable. I don't feel like I am holding everything together with duck tape or having to count dollars and make petty sacrifices (like not having a drink) when I am out with friends.


Work has changed a lot. I am working on much more interesting projects, have had some latitude to do my own research, and I really like my new co-worker. We are like a well oiled-machine when we work together and he is generally a really pleasant guy to work with.


I also think I am in the best shape of my life. I feel like I can run as far as I want ever since I ran the marathon a few weeks ago. I have also tweaked my training a bit to focus more on intensity (getting my heart rate up and trying to make sure I am fully winded. That seems to make a much bigger difference than just running and running at a normal pace. My new goals is to try to run a 5k under 20 mins. I'm also trying to add a little muscle and get up to 180lb, get a six pack and generally a nice body. I was working on this back in 2009 when i had an issue with a nerve in my arm (and the whole breakup which derailed everything). So far, that hasn't flared up and I am slowly making progress. I am being attentive to my diet (less emphasis on protein and low-cal, and more on just getting good food). I'm also not in a rush (doing much less weight lifting and more cardio) but things seems to be coming along just as quickly. Not sure how long it will take, but maybe I can get there by Christmas.

Generally, life is pretty good right now, but I think I would benefit from some goals. I have been wasting more of my time than I would like after work. Things to do:

1) Get cleared to mentor at Epworth
2) Work on patio area in back yard. Do a good job and make it look special. This will take some planning and a little craftsmanship. I initially planned to throw down a 10x10 square (which I did today) but I think a little creativity would go a long way. Plus, considering how long I (or at least someone) will use the area, it would be nice to put a little thought into it. Generally, I think I should work on adding some more trees to the back yard and make a plan for a nice laid out garden space with shrubbery, fruit, and flowers. New Orleans gave me plenty of ideas. Being a corner lot makes things much more difficult though. It will require special planning.
3) Read more. I have stacks of books I have purchased over the last year. I also need to get the reading list for the UU book club and find one I like and start on it now so I have plenty of thoughts by the time they meet.
4) Read the Free Times every Wednesday and pick out a few interesting events and invite the people who you would like to be there.
5) Plan more adventures for the weekends. 2.5 whole days to do as I please. I need to be more proactive about getting out and seeing things. I need to start doing at least one every 6 weeks.
6) Plan at least one creative project (right now that is probably photography).
7) Put my phone away. It's a huge distraction. The month off from FB was a good decision. Looks like applying this idea to other platforms (or maybe even something drastic like getting rid of my phone or the internet outside of work) would be beneficial.

Dreaming my life away counts for nothing...

What remains

If only memories were as easy to erase as names in my phone's contact list

They linger like the stale, dusty smell of a smoker on an old wrinkled shirt

Advice on traveling

Ask 5 strangers what to do, where they overlap, you have a plan.

Also pay particular attention to what the most boring, middle class people tell not to do. Those will make for the most interesting stories.

In general trust that things will work out, they most likely will.

Talk to locals, forget the tour guides. Ask about their lives and what things used to be like. Talk to different types of people - poor, rich, black, white, ect - Couchsurf when you can.

Get general directions. When you're closer ask again for specific stores/restaurants.

When it comes to food, I trust poor people. They tend to be less pretentious which also usually means better prices. Also, don't count pennies. Eat well. You're on vacation. One suggestion is to make lunch your biggest meal, it is cheaper. Also, if you don't eat, you'll be grumpy.

Every city worth seeing is best seen on a bike. No roofs, no traffic, no parking, no stop signs or street lights. Just roll. Stop when you want.

An iPhone can replace about 85% of what a DSLR will do (just make sure to take a backup battery though).

Take naps.

Traveling is always better with a friend if you're in a city. In nature it doesn't matter very much...

Relationships

Figure out what you can get from friends and figure out what "has" to come from the relationship. A mate doesn't have to (and realistically won't) meet all in your needs...

A few things to think about (develop this later)

Planning
Emotional needs
Hobbies/sense of adventure
Are their "problems" things you enjoy dealing with

Also, don't underestimate the importance of shared values and the vision of the world we want to create...

Ego

Find several ways to creatively dissolve the outward expression of ego when I make it back in to town - on Facebook, in conversation, in who I associate with, clothes... Will make a good 30 day challenge

It's going to be a busy week

Finally got around to planning my trip......

To choose a path no threat impedes
Wherever the light of conscience leads

Science can only explain what is measurable. I don't think it requires very much imagination to imagine that there is a lot we are missing or overlooking. This doesn't mean that science isn't incredibly useful and offer an incredible amount of value for improving the quality of our lives. It's just a statement that science is not truth and reasonable skepticism is healthy. Doubt is at the core of every belief, secular and religious.  Faith too is always necessary, even if it is imperceptible - in everything we do. Faith and doubt are nothing but probability assessments. 

Malleable Skills

I found an article that talked about the glut of recent PhD's with limited job prospects. I had an email exchange with a friend and talked about why that may be the case. He mentioned it may be a lack of social skills. Below is my reply

"Along the lines of social skills the original article mentioned a deficit in the skills needed to actually do well in work like. Personally I am terrible at patiently wading through menial tasks which is always necessary in any entry level job. I know I had the perception that i would come in, be instantly recognized for my ability and get paid to think and design. The world doesn't work that way. You have to do what you are told even if they do know you are capable. They hired you to do something and only later will you get a chance to prove yourself. You just have to keep your nose on the grindstone and endure it - at least until you can get a promotion or move to a better job at a new company. Also in academia you can skip tasks you don't like. My homework usually counted for about 5%-10% of my grade in school. I could spare the points and became accustomed to simply skipping assignments I didn't like. I could come in late or skip class if I wanted as long as it wasn't too frequent (and in some cases it didn't matter at all) without any real repercussions. In a professional setting you have to do 100% of your work. You can't just decide to skip the tasks you don't like. Respecting bosses just because they are your boss is also another essential skill they don't teach you in school. Loyalty, or at least the perception of it, is highly valued. These could be called social skills, but I think they are something different... something similar to discipline. Something similar to what you probably found in the army"

Separating Jesus from the Bible

The UU has people who share a wide range of religious views. Last night at the worship committee meeting we had a discussion about the criteria that would be used to select our new minister. One member expressed opposition to anyone who was "overly Christian" and was visibly upset at anyone who would preach from what he called a "homophobic, sexist..." and then just abruptly cut himself off. He talked about how they would need to be internally contradictory to believe it all. 

I don't think that's the case and below is an email I shared with him

"The Jefferson Bible gave me a totally fresh lens to see "Christianity" and I found it to be incredibly liberating. 

I think it's clear we both have different goals though, mine was simply to reconcile my beliefs with those of most of the people in my life and still have my own "responsible search for truth and meaning."

For me, it was clear there was obviously a lot of value in the Bible (though most of the good messages are not unique to it) but as you mention, there are also a lot of other mean-spirited, hateful messages as well as unscientific bunk that I think even the most creationist Christians would have a difficult time believing. 

Here is a good example I found a few years ago that I have never heard mentioned in any church: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_of_Endor

It's clear Jefferson had similar issues. Rather than getting caught up in thousands of pages of religious texts and supernatural phenomenon, he simply took the parables of Jesus and said "Here, this is what he was really preaching." I found it to be very easy to swallow. 

The real issue (and purpose) for any religion is to give people a way to live and to make difficult moral decisions in life. I think the title of Jefferson's project highlights this "The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth." For me the supernatural stuff (whether or not there is a god or whether he was "RAISED FROM THE DEAD" or even if there is a heaven really aren't important.") What I found was a world view almost 180 degrees different than the materialist culture we live in. 

CS Lewis once said something along the lines of "Jesus is either a liar, a crazy man, or who he says he is." He tried to back you into a corner, but I think the "crazy man" label isn't that much of a stretch. Jesus was a wandering homeless man who hung out with the lowest members of society and enjoyed shaking up the religious establishment of his time. He lived in a world where religion was a set of silly beliefs and rituals (Pharisees) and had lost its way. Jesus said the whole law can be described up in as loving your neighbor. It's a world view that challenges me every day and reminds me not to cling to the popular measures of success - a pretty wife, money in the bank, decadent food, sex. I see his purpose as very simple - to tear down the nonsense of religion and be a true reminder of what we should do. That's how I see Jesus and I think that's how many "liberal" Christians see him too..."

Words

I wrote about the ambiguity of words a few weeks ago, but I didn't touch on the fact that language as a whole has slowly taken on the same shift towards meaninglessness (particularly in academic and political circles). I came across a fantastic article by George Orwell where he

"The writer either has a meaning and cannot express it, or he inadvertently says something else, or he is almost indifferent as to whether his words mean anything or not. This mixture of vagueness and sheer incompetence is the most marked characteristic of modern English prose, and especially of any kind of political writing. As soon as certain topics are raised, the concrete melts into the abstract and no one seems able to think of turns of speech that are not hackneyed: prose consists less and less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning, and more and more of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse."

here is an example he used to illustrate this

"Now that I have made this catalogue of swindles and perversions, let me give another example of the kind of writing that they lead to. This time it must of its nature be an imaginary one. I am going to translate a passage of good English into modern English of the worst sort. Here is a well-known verse from Ecclesiastes:

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Here it is in modern English:

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account."

While I tend to use metaphor quite frequently, I have always felt a bit insecure about it. I feared it only exacerbated other's perception of me as some unrefined, small town, country hick. Concrete imagery almost feels tainted because it is associated with our world. Quaint is a good word. Abstractions are like wisps of cigarette smoke in a still room. They have an airy sophistication about them that lets them rise like helium above what others are saying. Unfortunately, as Orwell points out, they often lack any meaning. They are just pleasant sounding phrases tacked together like magnetic words on a refrigerator.

When you are composing in a hurry -- when you are dictating to a stenographer, for instance, or making a public speech -- it is natural to fall into a pretentious, Latinized style. Tags like a consideration which we should do well to bear in mind or a conclusion to which all of us would readily assent will save many a sentence from coming down with a bump. By using stale metaphors, similes, and idioms, you save much mental effort, at the cost of leaving your meaning vague, not only for your reader but for yourself. This is the significance of mixed metaphors. The sole aim of a metaphor is to call up a visual image. When these images clash -- as in The Fascist octopus has sung its swan song, the jackboot is thrown into the melting pot -- it can be taken as certain that the writer is not seeing a mental image of the objects he is naming; in other words he is not really thinking.

Several years ago I read a book called "On Bullshit." It's main premise was that bullshit was much worse than lying because at least a liar knows what the truth is. A bullshitter just says whatever he wishes without any regard for reality. I remember one story in that book he told about a mason who laid the mortar perfectly  on the underside of a cathedral. When someone asked him why, he said it was for the glory of god. In that moment I realized what craftsmanship was. Most things can be taped or glued or beaten into shape. Kludges  are usually effortless and I am an expert at them. Though the sight of careful handiwork of an attentive laborer always makes me stop and just admire what they are doing, even for simple things. When the poor man at the car wash gets on both knees to polish the wheels of my truck and remove the caked on brake dust to leave them sparkling. A cobbler who restores and renews old lifeless leather shoes. A carpenter who precisely saws each piece of pine and snugly screws each board. It comes from an appreciation for what they are doing and a desire to do it well. One can sling words like a Jackson Pollock painting or nail them together like some old shanty house but this will earn no admiration. Give me a neighborhood of McMansions or a finely crafted mountain cabin and I know where I will call home. Language is no different. I need to slow down. I need to be deliberate. I need to craft my words with the care of a gardener who gently places seedlings in freshly turned soil. I get too excited and my mind goes faster than my mouth and I struggle to keep up. Then I find myself talking as my mouth has just started to wander. I need to tame it. It must be domesticated.

Broken Glass

A text from a new friend the other day read as follows:

"Do most of your conversations involve forcing the other person to question their beliefs?"

I responded "Only if things are going as planned."

Indians practiced slash and burn agriculture. I do the same to peoples values and pursuits.

Though I might be studying rhetorical tricks to make my questions land like fresh seeds on black earth, I am in no way intending to curb my relentless slaughter of false ideology and pursuit of people who eschew them. I found this list on a Wikipedia article about Sarte's Nausea (yes, I felt it nagging today) which highlights some common ways people live authentically or simply in bad faith. I certainly share in the sentiments:

"members of the bourgeoisie who believe their social standing or social skills give them a "right" to exist, or others who embrace the banality of life and attempt to flee from freedom by repeating empty gestures, others who live by perpetuating past versions of themselves as they were or who live for the expectations of others, or those who claim to have found meaning in politics, morality, or ideology." (emphasis mine)

I have little patience for those (or maybe just envy) for those who claim to find satisfaction (without deep reflection and searching) in the most common pursuits, who claim righteous indignation based upon values which don't withstand serious scrutiny. It's also very frustrating to meet people who get angry at me when I poke at these papier-mache' shrouds they place around their most sacred values. It seems dishonest and disingenuous - especially when I question these values in the same way they attack others.

Yet, at the same time, I hide in my own way (even if I freely admit it).

from the same article...

"But," David Clowney writes, "freedom is frightening, and it is easier to run from it into the safety of roles and realities that are defined by society, or even by your own past. To be free is to be thrown into existence with no "human nature" as an essence to define you, and no definition of the reality into which you are thrown, either. To accept this freedom is to live "authentically"; but most of us run from authenticity. In the most ordinary affairs of daily life, we face the challenge of authentic choice, and the temptation of comfortable inauthenticity."

While I do not mind shattering others ideologies like old televisions hurled out of office buildings onto faded asphault parking lots, I am quietly reluctant to do the same to my own situation. Is this what it means to be a coward - a scared little dog who recoils at the sight of his master's raised hand? I guess taking the first steps down unmapped trails might be easier if I had others who just shared my view of the meaningless/absurdity of it all? It seems like a pitiful and rather lonely sacrifice to go it alone. What good is authenticity if I must live in some strange form of free-range solitary confinement? It's almost like living in a world of zombies and being the only conscious human being left.

Where the sun don't shine

"Life is Suffering" - The First of the Four Noble Truths - Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha

"Suffering is the origin of consciousness"  Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"Life begins on the other side of despair." - Jean-Paul Sartre

Milgram Experiment

It is truly enough said that a corporation has no conscience; but a corporation of conscientious men is a corporation with a conscience. Law never made men a whit more just; and, by means of their respect for it, even the well-disposed are daily made the agents of injustice.

A common and natural result of an undue respect for law is, that you may see a file of soldiers, colonel, captain, corporal, privates, powder-monkeys, and all, marching in admirable order over hill and dale to the wars, against their wills, ay, against their common sense and consciences, which makes it very steep marching indeed, and produces a palpitation of the heart. 

They have no doubt that it is a damnable business in which they are concerned; they are all peaceably inclined. Now, what are they? Men at all? or small movable forts and magazines, at the service of some unscrupulous man in power?

Visit the Navy-Yard, and behold a marine, such a man as an American government can make, or such as it can make a man with its black arts- a mere shadow and reminiscence of humanity, a man laid out alive and standing, and already, as one may say, buried under arms with funeral accompaniments...

Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience, 1849

Trusting strangers

It's good for the soul to be able to trust strangers. I had a very nice Couchsurfer trying to navigate her way through the southeast with nothing but an international phone. I let her borrow my old phone that I wasn't using and she just mailed it back today. There is something very liberating about having things and being able to freely give them to others. Attachment really is a drag.

Slowing down

I have been walking home from work the past few days since I am carless at the moment. It's been really nice. Things are a lot calmer. I heard the breeze, feel the sun and I'm not rushed at all since I don't have anywhere to be. Today I found two old pecan trees on a vacant lot and just had a nice snack from nature's leftovers.

TED Talk: Seduction

This TED talk is about seduction. The speaker argues (and demonstrates) it is a skill that can be learned. The trick is to know when to use it and how to use it. It is building a connection and using it to obtain what we want. Rather than being something scandalous or base, she portrays seduction as a positive form of influence. Charm. Connection. Vulnerability. Appeal. Confidence.

What would a formula look like if we tried to systematically implement it? Here is her list gathered from her travels to Cuba.

• Desire - knowing what you want and being willing to go after it. The corollary is trying to really understand what the other person is missing and being willing to draw it out and provide it. This ties to her point about arousal below. 
• Confidence - if gives you the ability to project yourself and your own image. It is necessary to be able to fully express yourself and remain fearless in the face of likely failure. An interesting, point is how much more confident Cubans are than Americans because they lack a steady stream of advertising to distort how they see themselves.   
• Body Language - Add a simple touch and let your body say what you can't say with words. She could have elaborated on this much more.  
• Arousal -  First you have to connect and interact. It requires undivided attention within the moment.  One must also differentiate between a "no" that means "no," and a "no" that means "maybe." One must draw this out and wake it up like a hibernating bear. 

This is pretty antithetical to most of what I have been trying to do in terms of reducing attachment but I suppose it still has some value. Though it seems difficult to use it effectively without getting too caught up in what you are trying to catch. 

Here's to looking for a middle way....

I am still amazed at the black magic writing seems to have over my life. I can write something on here or something on a to-do list and while I might not get it done that day or that week, it will happen. The delay is the most interesting part. I don't know why it takes so long to go from birthing the idea to implementation. It seems like I would be faster at converting my personal insights into reality.

____

Life notes:

I finished the marathon and totaled my car on the same day (someone ran a red light and hit me). I feel a little accomplished and a tad liberated. I am glad I was able to push through and finish. It's nice to know I am able to do that for myself. As for my lack of car, fortunately I live downtown, so the lack thereof is only really socially isolating and not a terrible inconvenience (besides grocery shopping). I can function without one. I had considered going without a car for 30 days so this may be my opportunity to do so. With the exception of rain, this is about the ideal season for it. If it weren't for my soreness from running I probably would have just started Sunday morning. I did walk home from work today which was a nice way to end the day. It's much more relaxing than sitting in a car in traffic. The fact that my knee hurts made each step a little more mindful, a little more deliberate. It seems like a good thing, at least in the short term. I also think I get an extra $500 if I forego a rental car which should be a good enough incentive to pass on it for a bit. Rewards are nice, they are supposed to be the strongest motivator. Hmmmm..... Maybe I will use the money to buy a new DSLR since I am kind of pushing up against it's technological limits at the moment. Now we are talking! D7000  here we come! OK, I convinced myself.

Now the bigger question is what car should I buy. Do I get a cheap, ugly beater or something fun that I will enjoy driving, but will likely need to sink a little money into. With the exception of getting a sporty convertible (which I would simply enjoy driving - which said differently, would just be a very expensive hobby), anything else I buy would just be for social purposes. It is the broader question of dealing with material possessions. Do I want to keep investing in expensive crap I don't really need?

Saudade

War and Conscience

I have for some time been distantly interested in the trauma that comes from war. It is not at all surprising combat can have such dramatic effects. I had mostly attributed it to the burden of killing another and the absolute disregard for humanity... week after week of burning bodies, the smell of rotting flesh, the destruction of everything we call civilization, the loss of close friends and companions killed protecting each other, the senseless waste of youth and the fresh ranks of those willing to die just as senselessly, the incessant threat of death and never-ending state of stress. It all seems like enough to easily make a man mad and do things he might regret. I told myself that regardless of what happens, do my best not to blame soldiers, blame the awful situation  they are a product of (this means fighting to end war). It also seemed enough to trouble a man for his whole life. However, the nature of warfare has changed a since Vietnam yet PTSD rates are as high as ever (though we do admittedly incentivize it and are much more open to acknowledging it when it happens). But today I encountered a completely different theory. I came across the passage below, which is actually a summary of the book Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character. I thought this was a universal lesson worth sharing. To violate one's conscience is not something to be taken lightly. It's also a reminder of the role authority can play in manipulating others and the responsibility of such positions. 

I want to expand on this a little. I think it's not just limited to soldiers  If we violate our conscience, our sense of "what's right," it seems entirely possible it could lead to difficultly reestablishing meaning and value in "normal life." In many ways we are all directly by our moral core (whatever it may be - differences are not really important at this level - just that we have a basis). War challenges most people's basic value system and not an an indirect way. I think this trait of survivalism isn't all that uncommon in urban, gang-ridden hoods and our prison system and might be yet another reason integration for those on the periphery is so difficult. It's interesting that many gang initiations begin with some form of senseless violence such as beating or robbing a stranger. I wonder if this is so they can share in the same torment as their leaders. 

No turning back now...

I somewhat impulsively decided to run a marathon tomorrow. Here is my checklist:

1) coolmax wicking socks, underwear, shorts and shirt
2) $20 for emergencies - or snacks :)
3) iPod nano and headphones
4) ibuprophen for after race (aspirin before and during)
5) chapstick
6) eye drops
7) body glide to stop skin abrasion
8) bandaid for my always sensitive nipples
9) TP just bc this is one time it matters
10) race number

which reminds me I forgot my sunglasses.... And a trashbag to stay warm early on (and in case it rains)

Here's to hoping I can actually push through the cold and pain and finish tomorrow. Kind of annoyed it's a 13.1 mile loop and not a true 26.2 mile course. That will kill my motivation a good bit towards the end. The nice thing is it starts a block from my office and comes almost that close to my house, later in the course - I thought that was kind of nice. I like how my memories are starting to get entertwined. 

I was pretty nervous about it Thursday and I meditated during lunch. It was kind of surprising to me as I started to isolate the cause of the anxiety. I am not sure where it originated, but as I slowly drifted into a deeper phase of meditation I distinctly heard a voice that said "I don't want to do this. Im scared. This is really going to hurt." The strange thing was, as soon as i acknowledged it, it melted away and just as quickly, my anxiety was transformed into resolve. That is the second time I have had a meditative experience like that.

Well, I'm about to go load up on empty carbs and get a good night's rest as soon as the Quaker couchsurfer gets here.

Wish me luck!

How to help

Time, talent and treasure

TED Talk - Extreme lifestyle experiment

The youtube summary of this TED talk says it all. It certainly ties in with my own series of 30 day challenges. 

Colin Wright is a 25-year-old serial entrepreneur, minimalist, and blogger who moves to a new country every 4 months based on the votes of his readers. While travelling, Colin starts up new business endeavors, manages his existing projects, and engages in extreme lifestyle experiments—from not wearing black for half a year to going completely paperless—in order to gain new perspective and to inspire others to make positive changes to their lives that might otherwise seem impossible. Colin writes about entrepreneurship, minimalism, and long-term travel at ExileLifestyle.com. "I wish that the knowledge that humanity has amassed could be evenly and universally available to everyone on the planet, allowing more people to have access to the resources that will allow them to contribute to the global conversation, take care of themselves (and others), and pursue further innovation."

He started with a project he called Circadian 3 (whic is now a cool website for his various projects). Every day he wrote a short story, made a drawing and took a photo. He talked about how it required him to take his camera with him everywhere. He talked about how it turned everything into a composition. In many ways, it sounds like it taught him to find beauty in each moment – more broadly to find gratitude – mindfulness. He said in no uncertain terms this was the most beneficial aspect of all his projects. He relays a personal story of his parents backyard that he had seen every day for a decade and how it took this project to see it as finally worthy of a project. I can relate my own very similar experience.

When I went on my cross country trip, my camera was always in my pocket. I think I took around 10,000 photos during that two month adventure. That averages out to just over one photo per mile. I certainly didn’t keep that many photos, but I did see that many moments worthy of pause. That is a great change indeed.  

From his experiment he realized his lifestyle wasn’t currently what he wanted. From there he laid out a plan to deal with those things. It’s clear from the video he is an ENTP and it’s no surprise his advice is both useful for me and addresses the common weakness of ENTPs (we need to get our alone time, identify which feelings are causing us the most drama, we need to plan [even the details], and we need structure and order – he has laid out a path to keep him (and most ENTPs) happy which is a constantly changing lifestyle. I would guess for many (though they would probably never encounter this video anyway) they continually do the things on this list anyway (but their goal would be to maintain a consistent lifestyle).

1.  Identify problems – what is causing the most drama in your life (this requires time alone and a moment to reflect on one’s feelings)
2.  Plan – lay out the steps you need and put in the necessary infrastructure to make this happen, for him it was a website. It also caused him to look at the concrete . To focus on the physical limitations that were keeping his ideas from becoming a reality.
3. Create Rules and Guidelines – This gives you a way to objectively measure the benefits of the change. Set out a list of what you will and will not do during the experiment. Also, most importantly, set an end date.
4. Jump  In – just do it (stop the paralysis by analysis). Make a decision and follow through.

New Business Cards

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living 
I want to know what you ache for 
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom 
you have studied. 
I want to know what sustains you 
from the inside 
when all else falls away. 

I want to know if you can be alone 
with yourself 
and if you truly like the company you keep 
in the empty moments." 

-Oriah, The Invitation

February Reflections

Well, I promised myself I would sit back monthly and reflect on what I had written and measure my progress against my own goals. I actually did a pretty good job. Broadly, I have added more structure and have continued to keep the "noise" in my life to a minimum. I am also funneling my time and energy into the things I care about rather than chasing pleasure of just staying distracted.

Writing keeps me grounded with myself as I look inward. It keeps my extroverted side in check. It moderates my tendency to drift aimlessly. It helps me get in touch with emotions I might ignore or overlook. It causes me to seriously consider the practical challenges to ideas I might have. It really forces me to reverse every innate tendency I have. I also

Areas to improve:

I laid out some goals (and some more here). Below are the ones I still need to address:



5) Mindfulness/Meditation/Gratitude

• I have done a better job, but could be more diligent here though - consider making it a morning ritual from now on - at least for 10 mins. I also need to read about Siddah Yoga). I will try to do this before I go to work in the morning. I will adjust my wake up time to make time for it starting Tuesday. I should also probably take a short walk in the mornings just to wake up a little beforehand so I am not tempted to fall back asleep. This will require an earlier bedtime. 

7) Better communication

• I have books on this now and have done some reading. I have actually used Chat Roulette for this purpose as well. It's an easy way to practice breaking the ice and keeping a conversation interesting while facing a very critical audience who has no repercussion for clicking next)

8) Engaging (and new) Hobbies

• Threw a lot more effort at photography, signed up to mentor at Epworth, joined a monthly poker game,  I still have time for something I could do every other week or so. A sports team would be fun. Need to do some more thinking)

9) Find problems in Columbia that I can work on. Find issues at work that can be improved.What divisive issues can I work on ameliorating to create more harmony?

• Made no progress here. However today I learned that the Charter for Compassion actually has city chapters. Could be something worth looking into. I did email a few UU's and Quakers to see if anyone would be interested in helping.

10) Plan a few trips. Find some odd communities or events within 100 miles to be a part of.

• Did not make any progress in this area. Need to spend some down time at work on this. Ask friends as well what they enjoy. Particularly those in neighboring states

12) Do more things/activities. I tend to spend my time "hanging out" or noodling around online. To make better use of my time I will need to do a little more planning and research (Free Times, meetup.com, FB events, Unigram, ect).

• Spent some time looking up events in FT, but I didn't use it very extensively. I should spend at least an hour a week reviewing these resources and finding things I would enjoy doing. 

13) Be more grateful.

• Need to do a lot more in this regard. I should find gratitude at least as often as I find something critical to say. It has been an incredibly powerful tool to completely flip the way I see certain issues in life.

13) Spend time identifying and developing my strengths

• Spent some effort on this, solicited advice from friends. Need to follow up over the next week or two. I can also spend some of my own time on this (maybe meditate on it). Ask mom? Relatives? Long-time close friends?

14) Make a personal mission statement and write out values.

• Did not make any progress here beyond my initial post. I should review tenants of different faiths (UU seven principles for instance) Ray Dalio's manifesto, service organizations (such as the rotary club), George Washingtons' rules of civility for ideas. This doesn't have to be a very fast process. I could try to find one life principle each month and continually compile them. I just need to seriously put effort into this. It is too important to just sort of assume it's all neatly organized in the back of my head. 

Gratitude:

• My parents celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary this week. While I know that their marriage has not been one characterized by effusive romantic displays, they deeply care about each other. While it wouldn't be the basis for any movie script, it's their own little fairy tale. They look after each other and really do love each other unconditionally (you have to with how grumpy my dad was in the past). As much as I might have wanted my parents to have a more chipper marriage, they have what matters most. An honest promise to love each other until "death do them part." That is all anyone can really ask for. It's a reminder that even if it doesn't work out like you imagine, it can all work out alright. 
• I have everything I need in life. A girl recently asked me "What would you buy if you had $1000 right now." I had to think about it for a while. I decided I would get a new oven to make my roommates happy, maybe a new camera, and to really indulge a plane ticket to an exotic location. Honestly, I don't care about any of those things. I am glad she asked. It's helped me to be more generous.
• Government services. I have really enjoyed the library lately. I went by on my lunch break Thursday and was able to just read for an hour. It's really nice. As much as I might want to criticize government, libraries are wonderful public service. 

Exercise and Productivity

It has been almost two months since I started running and doing yoga regularly (in addition to lifting weights). I have also been unusually productive over the past few days. This week alone I made my photography website, went through my old photos, did a shoot Saturday, designed new business cards, have been doing a lot more reading cleaned my house and organized my room, cooked dinner for friends, cleaned my car, tackled a list of to-dos I had put off for a while, wrote a ton, and stuck to my usual routine (working out for instance) even when I didn't want to.

I do not think the two are unrelated.

One video (start at 11:00 - however the whole video is jammed packed with solid information - the guys is loaded with data and is a fast talker) highlighted research which showed the effects on executive function (the part of the brain which helps with self control and decision-making [think ADHD-style impulsiveness of which I tend to be guilty]) can be greatly enhanced by twice weekly (for about 20 minutes) aerobic exercise (It also reduces the risk of Alzheimer's by half). This is in addition to the well-known effects on sleep, mood (as an aside, it seems plausible that the two are related given how classical stimulants work to deal with ADHD - would be an interesting area of research) and general health. Obviously,  with this additional piece of information, the decision to exercise became a "no-brainer."

I just wanted to document this and see if the effects persist. It will be useful to reflect on in months/years to come. It's also useful for anyone who might be unaware of the cognitive effects of exercise.

Photography/Personal Website

I finally made my own photography website: www.JustinGYoung.com It's basically just a shell at this point with a few images to brighten up the homepage. I guess I need a few more dark rainy winter nights to go through all my old stuff so that I can force myself to go through my old material and sort of my best work. I will probably post on both sites though this blog will still have a lot more personal information on it. 

I am glad I finally got around to creating this, especially now that the weather is going to be perfect for the types of outdoor shoots I enjoy most. I like doing a little paid work as it makes it a hobby that basically pays for itself. I especially like event coverage as it gives me a way to meet a variety of new people I might not approach otherwise. 

I am also hoping that more than anything else it also gives me a reason to redouble and focus my efforts of some long-standing projects I have wanted to complete. I have some stories I want to tell and now I have a place to share them in the way I want them to be seen. I like the social aspect of sharing them on sites like Facebook, but I don't really feel it's the right place (or audience) for the types of things I want to do. 

One is simply a local interest project where I would like to record some of the most iconic (but often over-looked) piece of Americana here in Columbia. There are a few things that would look absolutely bizarre to an out-sider, but to someone who grew up here they seem completely normal. I think they say a lot about the character of this place and what makes it different from other parts of the country. 
​
The second is to document the distinctive faces I regularly see at flea markets. They just have so much more emotion and character than I tend to see on streets where everyone seems to have homogenized their appearance around a uniform perspective of beauty.  At these markets, the faces range from the forlorn droopy to bright smiles bursting through old leathery, whiskered skin. They are black, white and brown. Most are poor an uneducated. However, I have started to see them differently. As a kid plundering around at these markets,  I might have seem them as sad, pitiful people.  People would were unfortunate or should have tried harder in life. I saw a great distance between who they were and who I was at the time (and what I hoped to become). Now, I just see them as people. I just want to show their common humanity - that regardless of their circumstances (or even what they did wrong) they still have the same hopes, fears and disappointments. This isn't really for anyone else but me. (Update: Just came across this TED talk  in which the author does the same thing and expands on it)

​Last is to wrap up one on the industrialization of small South Carolina farms. The earth and the genetically modified crops have all become a living factory. I don't think this is a particularly new idea, but the what is most interesting is the predictability of it all. How things have become so quantifiable. I guess it's the loss of mystery and chance. No longer are things left up to the cooperation of a stubborn mule and uncertain raindrops. Everything has been laid out. There is something a lot less magical about it now. It's almost as big a difference as is found between a putting green at the Master's and a putt -putt course in Myrtle Beach. Something is just lost.​

On an unrelated note, this is also the 500th post I have written on this blog, so I guess this means I have finally committed to something. 

To Remember

The problems ENTPs might have fitting into the world are not usually directly related to friends or relationships. Rather, the ENTP has trouble maintaining a stable and consistent lifestyle. While this can affect love relationships, the ENTP usually has such an endearing and capable "way" about them that others tend to follow their lead, even in the most trying of situations. The problems the ENTP generates in life are those associated with their constant need for individuality, excellence and new experiences which test their talents. While this can place great demand upon relationships, tensions are usually only apparent where the ENTP has made a love match with a person whose security needs are greater than their ability to allow their ENTP partner the freedom they need. The self aware ENTP must therefore not only be careful in considering their career choices, but also in choosing a life situation with a partner. Of all the types, the ENTP is most uncomfortable with compromise and ought not to place themselves in situations which demand it. Most importantly the ENTP must become aware, through careful analysis of experience, just what kind of changes for the good or bad have been the direct result of their need for constant refreshment of life (this would make a good post). Only through this awareness will the ENTP be able to focus on those perceptions which promise a better and more fruitful life.

Most ENTPs will experience career/life frustration and some relationship difficulties through their lives. The ENTP with well-developed Introverted Thinking will find these times easier to deal with. Accordingly, we offer some general suggestions for dealing with these difficulties, as well as some advice that will help the ENTP develop their Introverted Thinking.

Problems as opportunies

I probably rely too much on Myers-Briggs as a lens for seeing myself and others, but that will probably continue as long as it serves as an easy way to make lots of personal progress and find balance.

The two areas where I could make the most improvement are on my Intuitive-Perceptive (NP) side. If I want to change things I need to turn my ideas into action (Judging) and relating to people (Feeling). I have noticed that I used to avoid the _SFJ types but over the past few years I have come to value their company. These types are easiest to relate to when they differ by a single personality attribute. For instance, I can learn a great deal from my ENFP friends about how to relate to others as we see the world so similarly in other areas. I see the merits of planning and hard work when i look at my _NTJ counterparts. I can easily see how the great things in life (particularly in the modern world) generally require some measure of unreasonable persistence or good old fashioned raw competition if one is to be successful. Just doing something because you set your mind to it.

I have realized to be successful, I need to adapt. I too often find myself giving up on things because I often am not willing to put the work in to make them happen. It's too easy to rationalize why the sacrifice is too great. In general this is fine because it reduces stress level, but when it come to things I care about (health, relationships, "spiritual quest", biggest ideas) I would benefit from some discipline to make sure I don't just fall into the path of least resistance.

I also tend to push people away from me because I come off as too harsh or uncaring. This is not the case. I just tend to value the "greater good" over the individuals I may encounter (even those who may be close to me). I guess what I often fail to highlight is that I am willing to make sacrifices for others if I see a clear benefit. I am not out to maximize the world for my own sake. The course of action I would promote is something I would also be willing to subject myself to if I were in a similar situation.

In general, I need to do a better job of highlight the human benefits of my ideas rather than just spitting out the reasons why it makes sense. I need to go beyond the facts and highlight and underscore the individual human impact. Put it into a narrative if possible. For the SF types, I might also want to make it into a real story that they can easily imagine.

Things I can do to work on understanding people

Feeling

• Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't seek out why they are wrong, instead try to see what they are saying. Withhold a final evaluation until you have done a good job of gathering additional facts. Momentarily stop seeking the right answer and just attempt to see their side. Assume they are doing the right thing and trying to be a good person. Don't assume people are stupid or selfish.
• More explicitly, just pause and listen - stop thinking. Don't create solutions, just do my best to see the world as they do
• Intentionally overweight other people's values/beliefs/opinions when trying to solve a conflict. I should probably just have a rule of just multiplying whatever they say by a factor of say 1.25x just because I am going to naturally value my own way of thinking more, they are not going to be able to fully articulate the reasons they believe in it and why they are going to naturally (like me) value what benefits them more closely. 
• Keep hanging around F types.
• Alter my speech. Focus on people and how it effects them -not just problems. This isn't necessarily going to change the way I see the world, but it will at least give me a better way to relate to people and help to form the types of relationships I want. I struggle a bit with this though as it tends to seem a bit duplicitous even if it does bring harmony. I am best around people when I can be blunt and not mince my words. Though I suppose it would be best if I could deliver my points with some measure of delicateness less than that of a sledgehammer.

Judging - how can I add structure or order?

• Give myself clear tasks to accomplish regularly. I have really enjoyed carrying out my New Years resolutions so far. I particularly liked the 30 day challenges because just as my insights about that area of my life begin to decrease I find something new to focus on. 
• Write. More than anything else, putting things in words seems to help me refine my thinking and help me to create a concrete plan. It also makes it easy to see how well I carried out what I said I hoped to do. I could also have monthly reminders to re-read what I have written and see how well I carried things out. DONE. I just set a monthly reminder for the first Sunday with the following text 
• "Take an hour or two to read what you have written for the previous month. Begin with a short meditation. Reflect on your own words. See how well you lived up to your principles, values and goals. Did you forget them? Use this time to refocus, find clarity and make new plans. Give praise where needed and be critical of areas you can make progress or simply failed or flat out forgot. "
• On a day to day basis I can make lists. I should take time each morning to write out a few things I hope to accomplish on a given day. Leaning on alarms and calendars is also another subset of these micro-reminders. 
• Keep a clean house, car and workspace. I do not know if cleanliness is next to godliness, but cleanliness does give me a sense of peace when I walk into my house. The act of physically keeping things in order also seems to help me find mental order. I feel at ease when I walk into a clean, neat area. It makes me feel dis-ease in my own home when things are in disarray. The work associated with cleaning is also good practice for the perseverance needed to push through other difficult tasks. 
• Meditate. Part of the reason I do not focus is because I have a cluttered mind. Sitting in silence is useful for helping to direct attention to the most important tasks. 
• Make myself publicly accountable. Have people who will push me to accomplish my goals. Better yet, find people who share similar passions and who will want to participate with me. Things are more fun for me when I have others who share in my journey. 
• Develop a list of principles to live by. The list can be editable. I saw a parenting book the other day that attempted to take corporate principles and apply them to family life. Interesting idea. One of the most appealing was developing a the family equivalent of a corporate mission statement. I should have a clear sense of purpose. Start of that this month. Here is a good example from my old CEO. 
• Focus my gratitude on aspects of my under-developed J side. Extol the benefits of routine and the joys it can (hopefully) bring to my life. Come to appreciate the aspects that have thus far frustrated me. 

Gratitude:

• As much as I might dislike work at times, the fact that I am required to sit at a desk for hours a day (structure and order) results in me being able to do things like write out what I am thinking and find clarity in my own life. I know I wouldn't do this if I was at home sitting around on my laptop by myself. I would be on Facebook or watching Netflix.