Strange. I remembered the ending of this film pretty accurately until the final few seconds. I always carried an image of two people riding off in a red convertible still laughing about what had just happened - imagining they had found their own way, that they had found their own version of redemption. My mind totally edited out the final few seconds where they started to drift apart mentally. The Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack was so perfectly timed. Damn that is such a great film.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Is it beneficial?
I was in the book club at UU and made a comment about talking with others and one of the guys said it sounded like the Rotary Club 4-way test. It is quite close to my own value system.
__
Of the things we think, say or do
Is it the TRUTH?
Is it FAIR to all concerned?
Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
____
I think it's an excellent way of summarizing how we should deal with each other and a very good model for behavior. I like things like this because they help me to make sense of difficult situations and give me at least one sensible way to quickly deal with those issues when they arise.
(After reading it, I realized had seen this years ago on a fountain in Charleston in Marion Square.)
____
In other news, I have been writing a lot in the little moleskine book I purchased the other week. It's been helpful for sorting out my thoughts and has given me a way to record things that I might otherwise forget. As I expected, its also been much less distracting than trying to take notes on my phone (Facebook/texts/email, ect - generally an electronic black hole). Though I have noticed it makes me appear a bit curious to outsiders. Overall, it's been a nice addition. I think I am going to keep using it. It's worth the extra space it takes up in my pocket.
The most useful aspect has been for recording my failures in human interactions. Given I am able to immediately jot down what I would like to work on, it has served as a faithful aid. I have been able to reflect on those mini-lessons and take down the advice of others. Without this record I, likely would be repeating these same mistakes more frequently.
One of the most curious things that I discovered after using it for the past couple of weeks is that I use different pronouns at times. For some notes, I will say "I" while in others I will say "you." I wonder if I have pinpointed at least a bifurcation in the different voices I might have internalized over the years. I will try to pay more attention to it in my day-to-day life.
____
I have been doing a bit of reading lately (at least more than usual). The most recent book I went through was The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. I have enjoyed it, but reading has ironically (particularly given the subject matter of this book) made me want interaction with real people less and less (Though this might be because lately I have been in a position of talking through problems others are having rather than seeking guidance on my own). Books have a way of being succinct and dense that often doesn't happen in regular conversation. It seems like a good book will have several compelling ideas on a single page whereas it might take half an hour to glean as many from most conversations. It's also hard to get to a point where ideas are actually flowing back and forth. People are way too guarded. It has also taught me to recognize the importance of "bad company" - to identify "zombies." People whose souls have died but whose mouths still work - people who chatter about banal trivialities (my sense of humor falls into this too - it is often without substance and is something I need to discard in large part). Along those lines it has pushed me to try to really listen in conversation (though this is admittedly VERY tough for me). I am often making more judgments and internal evaluations than anything else. Memorizing what the person says is not listening. Listening is about shutting out my own internal chatter and really being with the person there. It's easy to sound off advice without really believing a word of it. It is an entirely different process to just shut up and really try to empathize with someone else.
The other challenge this book has left me with is to be content while I am alone. The author asserted that the ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite for love. I think there is some truth in this. Particularly since I often view relationships as a way to fulfill my own longings (to varying degrees: intellectual stimulation, acceptance, love, forgiveness, financial security, companionship). I think what Fromm was trying to say was that real love depends not on selflessness and embedded expectations of getting something in return. In any case it's certainly not related to the naive and infectious idea of "courtly love" so often tossed around as the ideal in today - the notion that obsession with some "true love" who will complete you.
I guess this is generally highlighting the start of a recent arch I have made from an obsession with my own destiny (career, education, economic security, personal spiritual development, to something related to, as a good Buddhist would say, reducing suffering in the world. I guess I am ready to start giving back a little (at .
least beyond the immediate circle of friends/family).
___
On the job front: I have tried to spend my lunch hour either writing, reading, meditating or exercising. It's a good way to break up the monotony of the day and get away from all the chatter of work (unavoidable if I dine with co-workers. 4 hours in the morning and 4 in the afternoon are pretty easy with that gap. I also should be scheduling more lunches with friends (particularly people I have identified as mentors in my own life).
The job itself is bearable. I am not unhappy there, but neither am I excited to go to work. It pays my bills and is not very stressful. I feel useful which is nice, but there is so much more I could be doing with my time and that always nags at my soul. The people are friendly and my boss has been very kind which is a welcome change (this is also my first female superior). We are quite different, but I appreciate that she looks out after me. It's nice to have that sense of protection rather than fear. I think a good boss is essential to any real career development and long term success at a job. I also try, to make sure I leave work at work at a reasonable hour and not bring it home with me.
__
Of the things we think, say or do
Is it the TRUTH?
Is it FAIR to all concerned?
Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
____
I think it's an excellent way of summarizing how we should deal with each other and a very good model for behavior. I like things like this because they help me to make sense of difficult situations and give me at least one sensible way to quickly deal with those issues when they arise.
(After reading it, I realized had seen this years ago on a fountain in Charleston in Marion Square.)
In other news, I have been writing a lot in the little moleskine book I purchased the other week. It's been helpful for sorting out my thoughts and has given me a way to record things that I might otherwise forget. As I expected, its also been much less distracting than trying to take notes on my phone (Facebook/texts/email, ect - generally an electronic black hole). Though I have noticed it makes me appear a bit curious to outsiders. Overall, it's been a nice addition. I think I am going to keep using it. It's worth the extra space it takes up in my pocket.
The most useful aspect has been for recording my failures in human interactions. Given I am able to immediately jot down what I would like to work on, it has served as a faithful aid. I have been able to reflect on those mini-lessons and take down the advice of others. Without this record I, likely would be repeating these same mistakes more frequently.
One of the most curious things that I discovered after using it for the past couple of weeks is that I use different pronouns at times. For some notes, I will say "I" while in others I will say "you." I wonder if I have pinpointed at least a bifurcation in the different voices I might have internalized over the years. I will try to pay more attention to it in my day-to-day life.
____
I have been doing a bit of reading lately (at least more than usual). The most recent book I went through was The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. I have enjoyed it, but reading has ironically (particularly given the subject matter of this book) made me want interaction with real people less and less (Though this might be because lately I have been in a position of talking through problems others are having rather than seeking guidance on my own). Books have a way of being succinct and dense that often doesn't happen in regular conversation. It seems like a good book will have several compelling ideas on a single page whereas it might take half an hour to glean as many from most conversations. It's also hard to get to a point where ideas are actually flowing back and forth. People are way too guarded. It has also taught me to recognize the importance of "bad company" - to identify "zombies." People whose souls have died but whose mouths still work - people who chatter about banal trivialities (my sense of humor falls into this too - it is often without substance and is something I need to discard in large part). Along those lines it has pushed me to try to really listen in conversation (though this is admittedly VERY tough for me). I am often making more judgments and internal evaluations than anything else. Memorizing what the person says is not listening. Listening is about shutting out my own internal chatter and really being with the person there. It's easy to sound off advice without really believing a word of it. It is an entirely different process to just shut up and really try to empathize with someone else.
The other challenge this book has left me with is to be content while I am alone. The author asserted that the ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite for love. I think there is some truth in this. Particularly since I often view relationships as a way to fulfill my own longings (to varying degrees: intellectual stimulation, acceptance, love, forgiveness, financial security, companionship). I think what Fromm was trying to say was that real love depends not on selflessness and embedded expectations of getting something in return. In any case it's certainly not related to the naive and infectious idea of "courtly love" so often tossed around as the ideal in today - the notion that obsession with some "true love" who will complete you.
I guess this is generally highlighting the start of a recent arch I have made from an obsession with my own destiny (career, education, economic security, personal spiritual development, to something related to, as a good Buddhist would say, reducing suffering in the world. I guess I am ready to start giving back a little (at .
least beyond the immediate circle of friends/family).
___
On the job front: I have tried to spend my lunch hour either writing, reading, meditating or exercising. It's a good way to break up the monotony of the day and get away from all the chatter of work (unavoidable if I dine with co-workers. 4 hours in the morning and 4 in the afternoon are pretty easy with that gap. I also should be scheduling more lunches with friends (particularly people I have identified as mentors in my own life).
The job itself is bearable. I am not unhappy there, but neither am I excited to go to work. It pays my bills and is not very stressful. I feel useful which is nice, but there is so much more I could be doing with my time and that always nags at my soul. The people are friendly and my boss has been very kind which is a welcome change (this is also my first female superior). We are quite different, but I appreciate that she looks out after me. It's nice to have that sense of protection rather than fear. I think a good boss is essential to any real career development and long term success at a job. I also try, to make sure I leave work at work at a reasonable hour and not bring it home with me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I find myself more and more convinced of a life I keep drifting farther and farther away from. I feel like I am getting more and more entrenched with a sedate middle class yuppie lifestyle with each passing day though what I want couldn't be farther from this. I wonder if I am determined to make myself perpetually restless or if I am getting ready for a big life change.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Changes
Well, once I made a decision to stop chasing company just for the sake of it, I haven't had very much to do besides read, sleep, and reflect. I have mainly slept a lot. It's also the first time since I was a small child that I would rather read than go socialize. Generally, I come home from work, read for around an hour and just go to bed. I have gone to bed before 9 most nights this week (I am not sure how I have been able to sleep so muchion - I also supposed tonight is an exception since I am awake at 3:30 writing this). I also feel like I am at a point in my life where I am finally ready to settle down a bit. Most likely not ready for marriage, but at least ready for something serious.
I guess I am writing because I know I should be doing more than what I just wrote with my time and want to plan out better use of it (or at least come to peace with this recent change). Yet, while there is so much more I "could" be doing, but I just feel like I have done a lot of it. I guess I should also remind myself, the desire to constantly be doing something is also what I am fighting against. I want to be at peace, not to be perpetually ecstatic.
For the times when I do go out, I also need to think of all the people I would like to spend time with. I need to surround myself with friends who help me grow. They are mostly older, reflective people largely drawn from my circle of friends at the UU. Though lately, it seems like books are beginning to offer the most promise. That said, the idea of hanging out with dusty tomes seems silly. There has to be more to life than sitting around staring at printed words (or lights flashing on a screen for that matter).
I also can't decide if this realization has pushed me one step closer to moving away. I am feeling the allure of NYC again (or at least a city with more young adults as I slowly graduate from the college stage) as well as a general desire to go wander.
I suppose this is just an adjustment period. Contentment doesn't come easy. I scribbled something in my notebook the other day: "if I want to be at peace I am going to have to stop embracing my restless spirit." I am not sure if that is true, but I am def going to need to brush it aside during the periods of my life where I am not in a position to wander. I guess that's the point of what I was writing. To control my thoughts and desires. To live deliberately and not be subject to every little whim. I guess that's where I am at. I made a decision to change and I want to stick with it.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Thoughts on Aging
Just some notes I jotted down from a discussion about the process of aging that I thought were worth sharing:
- loss of fear - primarily a result of experiencing failure and an acceptance that failure is ok,
- the role of chance in life - and a tacit admission that we do not have control over our own destiny nearly as much as we would like
- everyone has something to teach
- A gradual disbelief in my own ability to know things with certainty (with this is religious fundamentalism, pure evil, and fairy tale notions of true love)
- a gradual acceptance of "reality" and a letting go of magical thinking (same list as above)... also a slow release from the torment of extreme philosophical views like solipsism
- also an appreciation for the natural world and the infinite interconnectedness of life and matter and the wonders of science
- Empathy/sympathy/compassion for others (this is also in no small part a result of failure and our ability to have common experiences)
- Self-control - particularly in moments when we are emotionally charged
- admitting ones own faults easily, and maybe even embracing them
- an appreciation for the role of art in human expression
- a release from the view that social structures and conventions matter, and a belief that they are all just a silly little game we all play
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
'But I would suggest that an ideal human life lies somewhere between my own defiant indolence and the rest of the world’s endless frenetic hustle. My role is just to be a bad influence, the kid standing outside the classroom window making faces at you at your desk, urging you to just this once make some excuse and get out of there, come outside and play."
Good article on the right pace of life....
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?smid=tw-share
Good article on the right pace of life....
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?smid=tw-share
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)