Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Somebody that I used to know






"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." -Tolstoy



So it is with lovers and breakups. I spent months looking for the perfect breakup song, and none could ever articulate the special kind of sadness I carried around. I think that is what made it so hard. If someone had said what I felt I think it might have been easier. It just took a long time for me to birth what I really felt. Emotions buried so deep within my soul I had revisit parts of my childhood just to fully understand it all.

That being said, I don't think I have ever seen so many views on a video on YouTube. I think that song does capture one of the most difficult parts of a breakup. It just doesn't make sense to me how two people can be so close and a season or two later be so emotionally distant. Neruda said in his famous love poem "my heart is not content to have lost her." He was talking about the more conventional longing, but the words are still true. There is a sense that things should not be this way. On a related note, the radio show This American Life did a pretty funny episode on the whole topic of breakup songs and our collective need to put heartache to music. Maybe that's the allure of art. It gives us a way to say the things we don't know how any other way.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/339/break-up

Anyway, just thought it was a song worth sharing though it appears everyone else has already heard it....

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

I started working again last Friday
Day one was nice
some familiar, friendly faces
But I can feel the slow creep of monotony
days passing by like a cards in a poker game
the smug satisfaction that comes with your own desk
free pens
fresh coffee
and a nice view
neatly ironed clothes
numbered spot in the parking garage
loathing
that's what I really feel
and fear
that I get sucked in again
it's all so comfortable
so hollow

Home came and went


Homecoming at my parents church
A couple hundred people
mostly familiar faces
People I grew up with
An old home
Fried chicken, biscuits, macaroni and cheese
I used to be so excited
It really was a reunion
The warmth was palpable, and still is
though I know my return would leave me feeling lonely
Distant
I have changed
So little to talk about
Yes, I can still learn much
about living simply
about plants, cooking, the weather, people who's faces I remember
but names I have long forgotten
our lives are so different
rural life, pastoral scenes
Chicken houses, corn fields
the smell of manure on a freshly plowed field
Distant memories
A part of my childhood
No longer
Now, just a man
Who has wandered too far
a runner who ran in one direction
Until he collapsed
home will be where he lies his head
he can see it in his mind, but
as if through a two way mirror
no longer a part of the conversation
time for coffee with a stranger
from last night