Projects are good

It's very satisfying to be able to point at something and say yes, I did that.

This one was humble but effective. It's exactly what I wanted - a cozy
outdoor space to spend time with friends over a drink or fire.

Next up is the koi pond.

More lines in the sand

I need to think about establishing personal boundaries. Though I am critical and expect a lot of from women I am with, I do tend to be very forgiving - to the point that I will put up with almost anything if someone apologizes to me. I really am like a doormat at times. I need to learn how to balance what I think is acceptable behavior and my desire to not hold grudges. I need to learn how to distance myself from unproductive relationships - those that will be a waste of time and offer little opportunity for growth. 

re:Waking up with the sun

I could get used to this - a quiet freshing walk.... a cool morning breeze, almost like mountain air.... a warm cup of coffee... birds chirping... golden light everywhere... a big swing all to myself in the park.

I would certainly trade this for the late nights I spend staring at my laptop. I also feel it makes much more sense for when I go back to work. Most people (myself included) wake up and go straight to work and the time they have for themselves is at the end of the day when they are stressed and exhausted. Their employers get their best hours and they get the leftovers. It's a pretty raw deal. It would also improve my work habits a little. I would certainly be in a position to hit the ground running if I picked up this routine. 

Also from a photographer's perspective I am missing half of the best lighting of the day. It will certainly open up more opportunities to see things differently. 

Small changes

I am slowly turning into a urban hipster. I find myself biking more. I have long ago given up on retail shopping altogether (I stick to thrift stores, curbsides, ebay and flea markets). I realized I enjoy taking scrap material and repurposing it, refurbishing, or just appreciating it in it's worn state. 

This weekend I built a small raised vegetable bed this week and a small patio area with fire pit in my back yard. I did both of these entirely out of materials I had laying around or found on the side of the road (things that only last week I was considering taking to the dump so I could clean up the area) . I landscaped it with plants I found on Craigslist. I plan on making hanging torches out of old wine bottles from a local tapas bar. I was inspired to do this after I spent a nice evening around a firepit made from the top of a grill and nicely lit with a simple strand of old Christmas lights. It was some dirt poor couple just enjoying life. I began to realize this was just as nice as anything I might do if I constructed it out of bricks and mortar and had a contractor do it. I realized that I wouldn't have enjoyed the evening any more had it been in a some perfectly constructed urban setting. There was something almost cozy about it all. I also realized it might be some time before I am able to do all the things I want to do if I wait until I can do them "properly,"  In general I have have realized that doing things the way everyone else expects them to be done isn't going to give me the most benefit in life (even if it does increase my home equity - though this isn't entirely certain either). I need to be more creative in how I seek out solutions to the things I want. I need to be flexible. I need to be aware.

Over the past six months I haven't really bought anything for my house, but It continues to be furnished from discarded furniture from friends and things I have found laying around. I furnished my entire dining room from this stuff. 

I guess the point of this whole post is just to point out that I have a little more faith in the universe to provide me the things I want as long as I am willing to be patient, creative and flexible. 

New goal

I need to start waking up earlier. I waste too much time staying up late on the internet. 

Reallocation

I have never been one to budget - this includes not only money but
more importantly, time. The idea makes me feel trapped, but I am at
the point where I can honestly say I waste too much of both of those
precious resources unnecessarily. I don't want to be someone who
prescribes myself a regimented schedule, but it's clear after some
very basic accounting that my priorities and values aren't very well
aligned with outflows of dollars and seconds. I need to spend more
time reading about, practicing and spending time with people who share
my hobbies. I already mentioned this, but I need to devote more time
to the people I care about and less time on Facebook. I need to go
after women less and after deep friendships more. I need to start
basing them on what they can do for my spirit and not what they can do
for my "future." I need to spend more time investing in my health and
exercising. I need to spend more time outdoors.

Film

Some people like books. I like film. I need to start watching them on
a more regular basis. I certainly have enough free time to watch
several a week. I need to get back in the habit. I really enjoyed
doing that a year or two ago. I should also do a better job of
reflecting on them - what I enjoyed, what I learned, what made it
compelling, what will likely stick with me and shape my world view, to
explore the filmmakers a little more too... I started attending a film
club a few months back and really enjoy the post-film discussion with
others. It's amazing how much subtlety is in every scene and how many
emotions and ideas flow through my head as the film unfolds. It wasn't
until I had to verbalized it that I really grasped the complexity of
the experience.

Anyway, I am rambling a bit but I just wanted to remind myself that I
really value it and that I want to make it a part of my life again. In
the absence of the quantity of regular, deep, stimulating friendships,
this is the best substitute I have found. Though, that might be
another topic that I should reflect on in the coming days and if there
are things I can do to work on that situation....

Chatter

So it goes....A typical conversation.

I ask reflexively ask my friend some trivial question that wasn't
clear and as soon as I speak, I already know they are going to drone
on about it for minutes.

Why is it so hard to keep the conversation at a level where I can feel
connected, at a point where I am learning/sharing real ideas?

Wet sponge on a dirty chalkboard

Time to start over. Too many meaningless relationships sucking up too
much of my energy. Time to prioritize. Pick the ones that make me the
most satisfied, offer the most growth and invest in them. I am
spreading myself too thin.