Monday, September 26, 2011

Distractions from Homework

I came across the following passage while doing some research for an education paper... Something about it really pricked my heart - maybe because there is a fair amount of truth in it for my own life.

He noted that once the delinquent’s aggressive impulses had exhausted themselves, the repressed longing for love and tenderness which he believed remained dormant in these young people began to manifest itself once more. Previously aggressive boys became tearful and more vulnerable, at which point Aichhorn encouraged his staff, each working with a specific group of boys, to take on a more demanding attitude to those in their care. In Aichhorn’s terms, a positive transference – a strong, positive emotional relationship – began to develop with the young person’s worker, who was now in a position to guide the young person to takes the steps in psychic growth that had not occurred in the early years:

“It is above all the tender feeling for the teacher that gives the pupil the incentive to do what is prescribed and not to do what is forbidden. The teacher, as libidinally charged object for the pupil, offers traits for identification that bring about a lasting change in the structure of the ego-ideal.”

______

While reading the same article, I ended up discovering two interesting versions of manhood in 19th century Britain....

The Flaneur and the Dandy

Here are a few choice quotes from each:

"A dandy is a man who places particular importance upon physical appearance, refined language, and leisurely hobbies, pursued with the appearance of nonchalance in a cult of Self. Historically, especially in late 18th- and early 19th-century Britain, a dandy, who was self-made, often strove to imitate an aristocratic lifestyle despite coming from a middle-class background."

"Charles Baudelaire, in the later, "metaphysical" phase of dandyism defined the dandy as one who elevates æsthetics to a living religion,] that the dandy's mere existence reproaches the responsible citizen of the middle class: "Dandyism in certain respects comes close to spirituality and to stoicism" and "These beings have no other status, but that of cultivating the idea of beauty in their own persons, of satisfying their passions, of feeling and thinking .... Contrary to what many thoughtless people seem to believe, dandyism is not even an excessive delight in clothes and material elegance. For the perfect dandy, these things are no more than the symbol of the aristocratic superiority of his mind.""

"The observer-participant dialectic is evidenced in part by the dandy culture. Highly self-aware, and to a certain degree flamboyant and theatrical, dandies of the mid-nineteenth century created scenes through outrageous acts like walking turtles on leashes down the streets of Paris. Such acts exemplify a flâneur's active participation in and fascination with street life while displaying a critical attitude towards the uniformity, speed, and anonymity of modern life in the city."

"a derived meaning of flâneur—that of "a person who walks the city in order to experience it"."

"Flâneur is not limited to someone committing the physical act of peripatetic stroll, but can also include a "complete philosophical way of living and thinking", and a process of navigating erudition"

"characterized the flâneur as a "gentleman stroller of city streets",he saw the flâneur as having a key role in understanding, participating in and portraying the city. A flâneur thus played a double role in city life and in theory, that is, while remaining a detached observer. This stance, simultaneously part of and apart from, combines sociological, anthropological, literary and historical notions of the relationship between the individual and the greater populace."

I also really like the parallel to modern life

"The flâneur's tendency toward detached but aesthetically attuned observation has brought the term into the literature of photography, particularly street photography. The street photographer is seen as one modern extension of the urban observer described by nineteenth century journalist Victor Fournel before the advent of the hand-held camera:"

And thus, my fate....

"Baudelaire would be torn the rest of his life between the stances of flâneur and dandy, a disengaged and cynical voyeur on the one hand, and man of the people who enters into the life of his subjects with passion on the other"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My gripe with UU's

I have been going to the Unitarian Universalist church for a while now, and I have noticed a strong turn towards political action and less on spiritual growth.

In their desire for social justice, I feel like they focus on all the crap that is wrong with society (unemployment, poverty, war, issues of racial inequality) and though it will certainly help people temporarily feel better, it's a spiritual dead end. It won't bring lasting satisfaction. In fact, most of the people who we are fighting for have plenty of reasons to be happy - not to complain. I don't mean to discount these things (because they are important) I just think that if I could wave a magic wand and create the economic and social conditions most in the UU profess, they would just live in slightly smaller, litter-free, ecologically sound homes with a rainbow flag for their gay neighbors, be healthier because they bike more, grow their own food and are vegetarian but be just as unhappy because their lives lack a deeply felt sense of purpose and meaning. I don't think this social and ecological harmony is going to alleviate the existential angst many carry around.

What I hope to find in my congregation is not social justice (though it's important). I want a source (or at least a path) to lasting peace that I can share with others. At a minimum I want to be part of a community that is working to help each member work towards this INDIVIDUAL goal - not one that goes around telling the rest of the world what they need to do better. In fact, I think if we did a better job of focusing on being happy with our own lot (and finding deep lasting peace) I think the world would be more likely to end up doing what we wanted out of a simple desire to share in the same source of peace.

I feel the most benefit will come from a transformation of the mind rather than of the pocketbook (that's why I go to the UU). Inner peace (specifically contentment with ones circumstances) will do more for our society than this never ending desire to promote economic growth or education at the expense of our environment, liberties and overall sanity. Though, at the same time, I certainly recognize an individual's right to pursue these things, even if *I* feel they won't make them happy. I think that's what everyone else fails to remember and it's at the heart of what UU is supposed to be about.

Here is a comedic take on the same idea:
The Secret to Happiness is to be Thankful
I was writing about how sickness calmed my internal chatter the other week. It was interesting how there was a huge switch between pure perception to the more typical analysis of what we take in. I just came across this talk in one of my classes of someone else who had a similar experience (she is a neuroscientist who experienced a stoke and talks about the differences in perception and her essentially religious experience during that period).

Jill Bolte Taylor's stroke of insight

Her overall point is that this analysis tends to be isolating and when we simply experience things, we realize the interconnectedness of each of us. She also wanted to share the peace that can arise from this state of mind. I think there is a lot of truth in that and is what I am seeking to find through meditation. I am not so sure we need to completely end all processing, but I do think the chatter does tend to create more confusion than peace. The struggle is to winnow the thoughts down and to find a calm, clear voice amongst all the noise and distraction.

Separately, it's also interesting how she mentions she wasn't going to "be the choreographer of her own life" anymore. I have a little personal research project that I will be looking at over the coming weeks/months to understand how unexpected trauma that drastically changes the expectation of the future (breakups, deaths, financial ruin) leads to personal change. Essentially instances where you imagine the future to be one way, you realize it won't be and then you must come to terms with the new reality (and admit to others that you were wrong or that you have had to let go of a dream that was deeply attached to your identity). I think the fear of isloation/ridicule/ruin and uncertainty in these events is only surpassed by the relative indifference (or understanding) of others. I also think they tend to be the most liberating points in life and the periods of the most personal growth as we are forced to admit things we might not otherwise admit if we weren't in a state of openness.

Monday, September 12, 2011

I have a shitty work ethic and poor self control in a few areas. I
have been able to get by without expending much more than an ounce of
effort my entire life (with a few, very notable exceptions) and am
usually able to talk my way out of problems I get myself into (or come
up with creative strategies for dealing with and/or marketing them). I
am not sure if this will ever change (probably because I really want a
stress-free lifestyle and like the challenge of getting by on my wits
but I do feel like I needed to be honest about it. I also might want
to consider applying a little more structure and planning to
accomplish (or cultivate) the things I deeply care about.

Monday, September 05, 2011

I really feed off of emotional intimacy, I feel so lonely when I don't
have someone to share my feelings with. It's really nice having
someone at the end of the day that I know will listen and care and
help me work through problems that are troubling me.

Separately, I was just reflecting on how many of the recent changes in
my life might have been spurred my my own father's mortality. I never
really opened up to my parents (we just didn't talk about feeling at
all) but I guess on a very basic, childlike level I do want him to
know who I am and to accept me and be proud of me. It's interesting
how much that relationship has shaped my life and how hard it's caused
me to work to prove this or that.