Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Cheesy? yes....

Oh well... It's still a good summary of how I live my life...but as for love, I should add a few things

I think the problem is that people have convinced themselves that relationships have to last forever and that it has to be "perfect" to be worthwhile or meaningful...even if the idea of perfection is mostly an illusion.

I think marriage can happen. People can promise all they want, and they can follow through on those promises. However when I look at the majority of marriages they are far from perfect. People fight, people wish they had waited, people want things their spouses can't give.

Alternately people can choose exactly what they want for a moment in their lives: someone to heal them, someone to teach them, someone to pass the time with or simply someone to fuck. It can be all of these, or some combination of them. For some it's something altogether different. But that's what I am getting at.

Relationships are what you make them and depend upon what the people in them are looking for (once they can finally be honest with each other and quit dreaming of the perfect mate, pretending the relationship is something it's not or worrying they will lose the other person). It's not like either one is right or wrong. They are just preferences.

Personally I like the idea of having one person at a time, but not necessarily forever. I want to be free to pursue other individuals if a relationship deteriorates or we grow in different directions. I also am not opposed to the idea of having different people meet different needs in my life.
I'm not suggesting that I don't want a girlfriend or want to avoid dating. I'm not going to deprive myself of meaningful human relationships because I don't buy in to mainstream ideas of what a relationship should be. I am not going to let others validate what I want for my life.
It also means I lose the perception of security that comes from marriage, but at least for now, I think it's a good trade off. I think the small loss in peace of mind is worth the gain in happiness and freedom. Particularly when people are just going to do what makes them happy anyway. In the end I feel I'm really just giving up pretense.


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