Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
It's already been said...
Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates
close friends.
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates
close friends.
Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don't understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman.
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love
Sent from my iPhone
Mr.Neruda
Mr.Neruda
You can write (the wisest lines)
"love is brief: forgetting lasts so long"
I wonder how long it took you
to finish the 20th one
I wonder if it was the first one
and you just put it at the end
that's what I think
I have said it a thousand times
You can write (the wisest lines)
"love is brief: forgetting lasts so long"
I wonder how long it took you
to finish the 20th one
I wonder if it was the first one
and you just put it at the end
that's what I think
I have said it a thousand times
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, August 08, 2010
I'm either going schizophrenic or I'm having a religious revelation...
Everything seems to be inexplicably tied together, almost to the point of being surreal.
Poverbs 20:24
Man's goings are of the lord; how can a man then understand his own way?
---
Mind mind is as fluid as flurry of ribbons behind a gymnast and working as fast as the facets of a diamond sparkling in the sunlight. I can't stop it. It scares me. My pulse rises. I break into a cold sweat. I feel the words I speak are not my own. The words of my friend sound as if they each have multiple layers of meaning. They make my mind race more. I am uneasy. I am both a viewer and participant in my own life. Time bends.
Isaiah 41
28 I look but there is no one—
no one among them to give counsel,
no one to give answer when I ask them.
29 See, they are all false!
Their deeds amount to nothing;
their images are but wind and confusion.
---
Everything falls into place. Not like a story... but puzzle pieces made of magnets. It is drawn to itself. The solution is inherent in it's creation.
---
1 Corinthians 2
10but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
16"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
---
Staring at the sky
feeling small
that comforts me
Knowing I don't matter
God would not bother with me
This universe is too big for me to command the attention of it's creator
I am worrying over nothing
I stare at the stars
And remember the little handout the street preacher gave me
On it's cover was a young man staring at the stars
I thought it made no sense when I saw it
it said on the front
"this was your life"
It will be
It is
It was
----
Psalm 31
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
---
I wonder if I have found my safe haven.
Everything seems to be inexplicably tied together, almost to the point of being surreal.
Poverbs 20:24
Man's goings are of the lord; how can a man then understand his own way?
---
Mind mind is as fluid as flurry of ribbons behind a gymnast and working as fast as the facets of a diamond sparkling in the sunlight. I can't stop it. It scares me. My pulse rises. I break into a cold sweat. I feel the words I speak are not my own. The words of my friend sound as if they each have multiple layers of meaning. They make my mind race more. I am uneasy. I am both a viewer and participant in my own life. Time bends.
Isaiah 41
28 I look but there is no one—
no one among them to give counsel,
no one to give answer when I ask them.
29 See, they are all false!
Their deeds amount to nothing;
their images are but wind and confusion.
---
Everything falls into place. Not like a story... but puzzle pieces made of magnets. It is drawn to itself. The solution is inherent in it's creation.
---
1 Corinthians 2
10but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
16"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
---
Staring at the sky
feeling small
that comforts me
Knowing I don't matter
God would not bother with me
This universe is too big for me to command the attention of it's creator
I am worrying over nothing
I stare at the stars
And remember the little handout the street preacher gave me
On it's cover was a young man staring at the stars
I thought it made no sense when I saw it
it said on the front
"this was your life"
It will be
It is
It was
----
Psalm 31
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
---
I wonder if I have found my safe haven.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
There is a lot to be learned here... A lot about relationships, a lot about trust
"Securely attached children are best able to explore when they have the knowledge of a secure base to return to in times of need"
"This style of attachment develops from a care-giving style which is more disengaged. The child's needs are frequently not met and the child comes to believe that communication of needs has no influence on the caregiver."
"According to some psychological researchers, this style develops from a mothering style which is engaged but on the mother's own terms. That is, sometimes the child's needs are ignored until some other activity is completed and that attention is sometimes given to the child more through the needs of the parent than from the child's initiation"
I feel like all I have needed is a vote of confidence from someone I trust - someone who knows me inside and out. I lost my secure base...
"Securely attached children are best able to explore when they have the knowledge of a secure base to return to in times of need"
"This style of attachment develops from a care-giving style which is more disengaged. The child's needs are frequently not met and the child comes to believe that communication of needs has no influence on the caregiver."
"According to some psychological researchers, this style develops from a mothering style which is engaged but on the mother's own terms. That is, sometimes the child's needs are ignored until some other activity is completed and that attention is sometimes given to the child more through the needs of the parent than from the child's initiation"
I feel like all I have needed is a vote of confidence from someone I trust - someone who knows me inside and out. I lost my secure base...
Baskets full of memories
like dried flowers
dumped in the trash
trampled on the streets
some are dusty
others have just turned to ash
they were brittle
fragile
what are memories?
I think mine are made of metal
They rust
and grow old
but don't waste away
they just sit there
Like a nuisance
Like an abandoned car
you can see what it once was
but mostly what it is
---
I need to stop doing this to myself
I'll find no happiness in junkyards
just piles of crap
My mind feels like a trampoline
where I throw ideas and they get air time
but just crash harder than they should
everything feels right
which means everything feels cheap
Like I woke up in the middle of a lake
laying on a thin sheet of ice
I can't trust it to shore
Looking for something to stand on
or someone to distract me
from the reality of the situation
or someone with some answers
but I doubt I'll find that
I'm free
but I guess I'm just meant to wander
like dried flowers
dumped in the trash
trampled on the streets
some are dusty
others have just turned to ash
they were brittle
fragile
what are memories?
I think mine are made of metal
They rust
and grow old
but don't waste away
they just sit there
Like a nuisance
Like an abandoned car
you can see what it once was
but mostly what it is
---
I need to stop doing this to myself
I'll find no happiness in junkyards
just piles of crap
My mind feels like a trampoline
where I throw ideas and they get air time
but just crash harder than they should
everything feels right
which means everything feels cheap
Like I woke up in the middle of a lake
laying on a thin sheet of ice
I can't trust it to shore
Looking for something to stand on
or someone to distract me
from the reality of the situation
or someone with some answers
but I doubt I'll find that
I'm free
but I guess I'm just meant to wander
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Eye to eye
sat there for 3 hours reading books
I finally decided I would overpay
For a used book
simply out of gratitude
And to put my money where my mouth is- local
But they were asking more than the new price on Amazon.com
I asked him they could at least match that
she said she wouldn't
"on principle"
Well I can't for the same reason
I thought I was being more than fair
That's life though
If you can't agree on a compromise
You don't have to do business
and you can both walk away feelin' alright
I finally decided I would overpay
For a used book
simply out of gratitude
And to put my money where my mouth is- local
But they were asking more than the new price on Amazon.com
I asked him they could at least match that
she said she wouldn't
"on principle"
Well I can't for the same reason
I thought I was being more than fair
That's life though
If you can't agree on a compromise
You don't have to do business
and you can both walk away feelin' alright
The Ponds
Every year
the lilies
are so perfect
I can hardly believe
the lilies
are so perfect
I can hardly believe
their lapped light crowding
the black,
mid-summer ponds.
Nobody could count all of them --
the muskrats swimming
among the pads and the grasses
can reach out
their muscular arms and touch
only so many, they are that
rife and wild.
But what in this world
is perfect?
I bend closer and see
how this one is clearly lopsided --
and that one wears an orange blight --
and this one is a glossy cheek
half nibbled away --
and that one is a slumped purse
full of its own
unstoppable decay.
Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled --
to cast aside the weight of facts
and maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking
into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing --
that the light is everything -- that it is more than the sum
of each flawed blossom rising and fading. And I do.
~ Mary Oliver ~
(House of Light)
Sent from my iPhone
Breathe a little easier
For the first 25 years of my life I spent it doing things that were
practical, logical, and well reasoned. I was trying very hard to get
to a point I just left. Now, filled with an abundance of free time, a
lack of real stress or obligation I am letting my more playful side
hold onto the reigns and take me where it may.
It's an odd problem, but it takes quite a bit of effort to fill 16
hours of a given day with interesting, fulfilling activities. Usually
I will have a silly idea like... Hey! Wouldn't it be fun to go do
<insert seemingly meaningless creative activity>! But then I give
myself a list of things I must do like pay bills, clean my house, do
laundry, go work out, buy groceries, study for xyz. Almost my inner
parent. Even when I was living in Columbia I was doing those things or
I would fill my time with "acceptable" activities like talking online,
working in my yard or watching movies. Now I am able to just give in
to whatever silly impulse I come up with. I killed the power to my
time filter. I'm finding I am becoming a much different person than I
would have been otherwise. I also find myself spending a lot of time
by myself doing the things I did when I was a kid like photography,
reading, just walking around stores and paying close attention to what
they sell, asking lots of questions to strangers who know a lot about
things I am totally ignorant to. I am also a lot more open to what
other people want to do since my own free time is less precious. I
liken it to the difference in parenting by grandparents and parenting
by your real parents. All in all I feel like I am becoming my own
person again and it's liberating though a little disconcerting because
I don't have a clue where this is going to take me...
practical, logical, and well reasoned. I was trying very hard to get
to a point I just left. Now, filled with an abundance of free time, a
lack of real stress or obligation I am letting my more playful side
hold onto the reigns and take me where it may.
It's an odd problem, but it takes quite a bit of effort to fill 16
hours of a given day with interesting, fulfilling activities. Usually
I will have a silly idea like... Hey! Wouldn't it be fun to go do
<insert seemingly meaningless creative activity>! But then I give
myself a list of things I must do like pay bills, clean my house, do
laundry, go work out, buy groceries, study for xyz. Almost my inner
parent. Even when I was living in Columbia I was doing those things or
I would fill my time with "acceptable" activities like talking online,
working in my yard or watching movies. Now I am able to just give in
to whatever silly impulse I come up with. I killed the power to my
time filter. I'm finding I am becoming a much different person than I
would have been otherwise. I also find myself spending a lot of time
by myself doing the things I did when I was a kid like photography,
reading, just walking around stores and paying close attention to what
they sell, asking lots of questions to strangers who know a lot about
things I am totally ignorant to. I am also a lot more open to what
other people want to do since my own free time is less precious. I
liken it to the difference in parenting by grandparents and parenting
by your real parents. All in all I feel like I am becoming my own
person again and it's liberating though a little disconcerting because
I don't have a clue where this is going to take me...
"A way with words - and life"
I recognized that place
I had been hiking there, climbed that mountain -
Mohonk Mountain House
Why was a picture of it in the local paper
It was of a man who'd been there too
but he lived here now
He died last week
run over while biking
drug 15 ft under a jeep
by some bitch in a sorrority I imagine
Edwin Gardner V
Became a husband at 50
A dad a little later
"He's 64. She's 11. They are partners in adventure. Lewis and Clark"
he helped kids
Spoke his mind
gave me a little hope
his memorial starts in front of my new house - a bike ride....
life is a spider's web
each ensnaring line a string of dew drops
shining like diamonds in the morning light
dissecting it into component colors
drawing me in
I'm tangled up
I had been hiking there, climbed that mountain -
Mohonk Mountain House
Why was a picture of it in the local paper
It was of a man who'd been there too
but he lived here now
He died last week
run over while biking
drug 15 ft under a jeep
by some bitch in a sorrority I imagine
Edwin Gardner V
Became a husband at 50
A dad a little later
"He's 64. She's 11. They are partners in adventure. Lewis and Clark"
he helped kids
Spoke his mind
gave me a little hope
his memorial starts in front of my new house - a bike ride....
life is a spider's web
each ensnaring line a string of dew drops
shining like diamonds in the morning light
dissecting it into component colors
drawing me in
I'm tangled up
Sent from my iPhone
Words and color
To change...
and a palette that became the point
was painting what I feel
now painting what I think
different muscles
need different exercises
just playing
with my fragmented machine
yes, a chimera
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Carolina Parrot
I think about the last bird
out there flying all alone
looking for a fried
not knowing he was the last one
Maybe there were two
And they both died at the same instant
I like that better
How could they kill something so beautiful?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Inception
I finally got the look I needed
the one of disgust
that reduced me to a simple annoyance,
that served as a eulogy for what once was:
It was a BBQ party
A hot sweaty night
downtown Columbia
In the park-
I was having a beer with classmates
that I didn't know
"projections"-
I saw her with her cousin
So I ran over to say hey
::in my underwear - drenched::
Smile beaming
Tail wagging
-Stereotypically goofy-
-stereotypically vulnerable I suppose-
She just looked at me-
Then looked at her cousin,
To size up a response
"can you please go away"
and turned her head
as I ran - into the dark streets
the one of disgust
that reduced me to a simple annoyance,
that served as a eulogy for what once was:
It was a BBQ party
A hot sweaty night
downtown Columbia
In the park-
I was having a beer with classmates
that I didn't know
"projections"-
I saw her with her cousin
So I ran over to say hey
::in my underwear - drenched::
Smile beaming
Tail wagging
-Stereotypically goofy-
-stereotypically vulnerable I suppose-
She just looked at me-
Then looked at her cousin,
To size up a response
"can you please go away"
and turned her head
as I ran - into the dark streets
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Home is where the (he)art is...
Grandma said I had too much idle time. She was right when she said I needed to find something to do. She meant a job, but this works.
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