I don't understand myself lately

Note to self: Never apply for a job at a motel.


Yesterday morning I was a pitiful mess crying in bed. Today I am out with a hunger for life I haven't had in a loooong time. I am guessing it had a lot to do with the fact that I was spending about 23 hours a day in that small room, getting buzzed multiple times a night to book a hotel room, but I didn't realize it could have such a dramatic effect on my mood. I didn't realize how much human contact sustained me.

Anyway, I am starting to get really excited about this summer.

1) The house is painted and looks great. All of the improvements I have made should make it really easy to rent. I called the property management company and they already have several applications on file. Hopefully they can fill it within the month.

2)My friend Poppy cleared me staying in her house with her landlord, and it's free. Charleston for a month or so...

3) I have been emailing Earthaven and I am going to visit the ecovillage this Saturday to see about staying there this summer.

4) After that I am on my way to NYC for a few weeks to hang out with Rob and see some old friends...

5) Then Europe if I'm not broke.

6) Also headed home to spend time with mom and dad and see Daisy/Drew while they are off for summer vacation. I don't think I will have this chance ever again. I should be able to squeeze some studying in there as well for the CAIA. When I was home for Mother's day I also told dad I was going to put back up some of the fencing he took down a few years ago. This way we can get some cows or goats or some sort of livestock at the house again. I miss how neat they kept things around our farm.

7) Definitely camping out here for a few weeks... and my friend seems pretty serious about canoeing from Columbia to Charleston, so I am thinking it would be a very appropriate to transition directly from one right to the other. Now I just need to order my canoe.... I still can't believe there is an untouched island paradise a few hundred yards right from the center of downtown...

Anyway, the goal of all of this is to prove to myself that I can do what I want on limited income. The checks are going to run out soon, but I want to see how difficult it is to survive doing things relying on myself, my tent and the generosity of friends in strangers.

What I hated about working at my last job was that I felt like I "needed" it. I also was a little jealous of all the spoiled rich Ivy League kids who had a chance to do all of the things I wanted to do since a child. What bothered me more was that they didn't even seem to appreciate what valuable experiences they'd had. Anyway, when I go back I don't want to be distracted by all of this class jealously and economic insecurity. I just want to be able to do my job and know that I can support myself if shit doesn't work out. I want to be free of the stress of the "real" world that seems to bring everyone else down...