Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Dating after 30

Part of being mature is understanding what you want and having enough self-control to seek it out and ignore things that don't match up with your goals. I have dated a lot of good people, but I have also dated a bunch of people I probably shouldn't have. Several relationships were a complete waste of time. Deep in my core I know exactly what I want and I have probably been a little afraid to seek it out because I know I may not be mature enough for the woman that I wanted -- but I am a lot closer than I have ever been.

As a result, I have decided I need to do seriously date and seek it out. I am going to take a more rapid fire approach and see what sticks. One of my friends went on over 100 dates before he found his fiancĂ©e, and I have read some more stories of others doing the same. This is the approach I think I'm going to take rather than letting fate and destiny throw me what they will. What is your quantity of people that you can encounter on online dating apps it's silly not to see what's out there. 

The dating pool here is pretty slim, but as long as I'm here I should still look. If I run out of potential dates and then it's probably time to move on, but I am a long way from that. With that said, I have gone on a few boring dates over the past week, and most of that is my fault. I have been a boring date and haven't really uncovered the people I have been with.

There are two things that are important when it comes to starting a relationship (after some basic level of attraction). Compatibility and common long-term goals. I spend most of my time on first dates on the latter, which prevents me from getting to know people on a deeper level - they can become very
impersonal encounters. Realistically, I should spend more time getting to know people and less on "interviewing." They probably put off potential people I could date. Essentially they have the potential to preclude a second date. I have probably taken this approach because I am afraid of falling for someone who doesn't have similar goals which would lead to a potential "heartbreak," but this potential pain is probably less of a problem than going on a bunch of lame first dates. I need to just be a lot more relaxed and open on my first dates and not worry about the future. My list of questions is relatively short anyway so I could literally just ask them in rapid fire succession after hanging out a few times. 

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