Saturday, February 07, 2015


My mood has gotten a lot better since I changed my outlook from preparing for a big journey to actually making sure I enjoy the time between now and then. Work has gotten a lot better too and I actually enjoy what I am doing there (searching for other jobs also offered some perspective and generated a lot gratitude - I realized how boring my job really could be). However, for whatever reason, I keep ignoring (or at least failing to put effort into) the things that make life worth living: meaningful relationships and some sort of activity that betters the world or is a source of deep passion. I am just drifting along in some sort of moderately pleasurable, well-insulated, bourgeois lifestyle.

Usually I write because I am at a breaking point, but now I am writing because I know I can do more. Days are slipping by. I guess it's just a function of where I am at in my life. People my age have routines, and the opportunities that used to trickle into my life (and helped to keep it interesting)  on a regular basis in college and when I was just wandering around are going to require more work at this stage of life. I also have less free time which means the time I used to spend wandering and discovering and having things fall into my lap needs to be substituted with hard working seeking out interesting things. It's also a function of the fact that I have thoroughly explored and experienced the area where I live. There are only so many things a person can do until they must either move or be content with the annual cycle of festivals, events, parties and seasonal changes. As much as I like novelty and new experiences, I need to accept the reality that there is a certain repetitiveness to stationary life and that if I want the stability and benefits that come from this. This also goes for friends. Rather than lamenting that my friends are growing up, moving and other things, I just need to accept that social networks are always in transition and that this is another area I need to work to maintain. I also need to accept that I am different than most people I meet in this city and that I am at a bit of a statistical disadvantage if I want to meet people like myself. I have friends that commute to cities a few hours away just to see their childhood friends on the weekend. I could consider doing the same in Charleston or in Charlotte if I really wanted the variety. I could also consider moving in the next year or two if I find that I simply have a shortage of people I want to hang out with.

Conclusion: work harder to create the life you want while accepting the life that has emerged from the decisions you have made.

No comments: