Make sure I meet my basic biological needs. While solipsism does make sense and is probably the most logical philosophical framework, it feels untrue. Of course of I could have woken up this morning, or my existence could have began moments ago with a fabricated past, but my intuition pushes against this with all of its might. I believe my family, friends and experiences are real. I believe the people I meet live lives similar to mine.
We life in a concrete, biological world. We live, we die. There may be something greater than humanity that we cannot perceive (most people call this G-d) but I do not think this presence intervenes to change the laws which govern our reality. Gravity persists, electromagnetism persists, people do not teleport.
However, "miracles" do happen. Though I consider these statistical anomalies. Even quantum mechanics actually forces a probabilistic and not a deterministic reality. It is within this space there is actually the possibility for intervention in a way that seems otherwise improbable, and in this reconition of the improbable I allow for outcomes that might not make intuitive sense - things that people might call coincidence or miracles. Occasionally a hail mary pass or a full court shot will work out. Most of the time it doesn't. This doesn't mean G-d intervened. It means chance exists in our universe. In essence this simply means that I don't have a tightly defined parameter for what reality HAS to be (I stay open minded), but I do have a view of what it should look like and that I am generally skeptical of things that fall outside the bounds of what I perceive as probable.
Ultimately we must all act in faith given our limited faculties and ability to perceive reality. One must make a decision about how they think the world works and the parameters which govern cause and effect. This isn't always as easy as it should be. Because of my upbringing and the fantasy thinking that is fed to children (Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, miracle man Jesus, fanciful tales like Lord of the Rings) what should be obvious took a long time to understand.
I am open to personal revelation, but I won't take someone else's experiences and use them as the basis for my own belief system if this other person's experiences contract what I perceive to be how reality operates.
To be clear, this isn't really all that different than how most people operate. To use an extreme example, take alien abductions. People don't believe this because it seems to defy their own experiences and because it is a very minority position. Oddly however, many people are willing to believe equally peculiar views if they are widely perceived to be true. Religion is replete with these examples. Greek mythology and its tales of Cyclops, native american shaman, African sun gods, the Jewish crossing of the Red Sea, or Jesus walking on water or turning water into wine. I always find it interesting when the very devout criticize other religions but make exceptions for their own claims of the supernatural. I think these views are much more readily accepted when they are presented at a young age by those we trust.
Peer pressure is not a new concept but I am trying to suggest something broader. We are by default less critical of views that come with mass acceptance or are from those that are close to us and we trust (ex. parents, teachers, mentors). We assume they have our best interest at heart, and as a result, tend to be less critical and examining.
It could also be because of a lack of courage. We are all generally afraid to stray too far from mainline views for fear of the consequences of doing so. This is because lots of people form emotional attachment to ideas and view dissenters as attacking them personally and not simply stating a different viewpoint. If someone says they like a certain thing (movie, band, food, team, ect) and another person says they don't, the person who says they liked it usually will take the comment personally. This leads to unnecessary friction, and as a consequence people generally stray away from conflict. People like to be sheep because it is comfortable. It maintains friendships and keeps one insulated from the ire of others. It's easy to be a agreeable. This is why most people do it.
The consequences for deviation can be high -- social exclusion can cost one job opportunities from a smaller network. It also reduces potential mates. Look at the disparate opportunities available to the loner nerdy kid and the cool kid. There is a delicate balance between disagreeing and still maintaining a connection to those who have the capacity to make our lives better. In short, because thinking for yourself can lead to negative outcomes people tend to avoid it. It's just easier to go with the flow.
Unfortunately, I am not currently financially independent and find myself (even while exercising frugality) in a position where I need to please others to maintain my income. Essentially, I must sacrifice some of my autonomy in order to make "the man" happy. I am ok with this but I need to be careful about the things I am willing to sacrifice and be very concious of what I am not willing to sacifice. I should make a list of things I care deeply about and things I do not care all that much about.
For instance, wearing different clothes isn't all that big of a deal, while being asked to be dishonest to make a deal happen would be. I will sacrifice my appearance but not my integrity. I should take an inventory of where I feel am living outside of what I would ideally want to do and make sure I am still preserving some sense of my own identity and core principles.
More broadly, I need to be more deliberate in my thinking and actions. It is too easy to drift aimlessly through life. This requires observation of my own life, and planning. Pay attention to the thigs that I enjoy and make sure I provide them to myself on a regular basis. Joy is infectious and without being happy with one's own life it is difficult to bring joy to others.
Things that bring me happiness
- Meeting new people who have fresh, thoughtful ways of seeing and pushing the world forward. Meeting people who have a deep capacity to love.
- Seeing new places and new ways of life: morning rituals, religious habits, diet, family structure, ect..
- Hobbies where I can be creative and apply a detailed knowledge of a subject area- photography, gardening
In addition, I also need to be aware of the things that bring negative emotions. To the extent that I can control my thoughts, I should do so; psychology and Buddhism offer very useful advice on how to do this. However, invariably certain situations will have a very high likelihood of causing anxiety/anger/fear/sadness and it is simply best to avoid the triggering places/people/situations. Take note of the highs and joys and set aside time to reflect on them. To be deliberate I also need to actively make sure I am not unintentionally adopting the thinking of others.
Another part of being deliberate is achieving goals that I set. There is a burst of happiness as I check the mark of completion, but there is a nice sense of satisfaction and self confidence that comes from a job well done. I feel like I have done something and I feel a sense of purpose in a world of chaos.
In the midst of my purposeful life, remember that whatever I do won't ultimately make that much of a difference. We will all still die and the earth will cease to exist in the distant future. It sounds pessimistic, but life is mostly an exercise in futility. All I can do is enjoy my time here and seek to reduce the suffering of others. This is the only purpose.
This is a strange tension. To live with purpose but to know it doesn't matter. I suppose the antidote to all of this is to simply not take myself very seriously and not get too caught up in the outcome of a given event. Do my best and let that be good enough. I also shouldn't overstate my own importance. While what I do matters a great deal to me, it doesn't matter very much to most of the planet. At best a few thousand people care, more realistically this number is only a couple dozen.
The big questions: What does it mean to enjoy life? What does it mean to not enjoy life (suffering)?
Enjoying life means finding love. Love has many forms. If I was forced to label G-d, I would say it is love. Love takes many forms: gratitude (or loving something and being thankful that it is here), beauty (loving and fully appreciating form), love (caring enough to sacrifice yourself for its preservation), compassion (love in action).
Depression is not loving life. It is being stuck in a state of mind where everything seems pointless. Fear, boredom, anxiety, hopelessness, isolation and ingratitude accompany this feeling. Mindlessness is a different version of a similar sickness. Life is full of amazing, beautiful things. We just have to be in a state of mind to appreciate them. I need to be acutely aware of when I fall into these states of mind.
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