Basically I have gone from Christianity (which was a decision based on fear -. Hell or retribution from an angry God) to hedonism (essentially aimless living, which was based on selfishness - this eventually grew tiresome and hollow) to a renewed version of Christianity to pan-spiritualism. Next I went on the open road and then into the wilderness for a while (in the vein of Moses, Jesus, Emily Dickinson, ect). At first I sought to "loose myself of imaginary lines" and later after my admission that I have no clue, I sought peace through revelation though not through faith (yet).
This led me to form my own views and admit the limitations of my own understanding. Next was an honest examination of Buddhism... And though it was helpful, I ended up trading one form of stress for another and it still didn't give a reason for living besides enlightenment (which is selfishness, which I suppose is better than
fear as a motivator).
I have mostly given up on finding any set path long ago, though I
thought it might come from a patchwork understanding of spirituality
(or relationships with others) I think it will most likely come from
within...
Yesterday someone posed a very simple question to me: "What is one
thing could you never do without?"
The company of interesting people (that is humanity, our species) might be the only thing on that list. Though I can rationally come up with many reasons why that is a silly goal (impossibility of connecting our concisenesses, the ethereal and corruptible nature of memory, the future extinction of our species in a few billion years, the fact that need is simply a psychological dependency on my part), it still provides some measure of satisfaction when viewed in the context of beauty. It is timeless and eternal and does not need permanence to have meaning - like my favorite analogy - making sand castles by the sea shore. Interestingly, in some ways this merges all of my views (and old hopes)... The over arching goal of Christianity, most other religions, my childhood lessons from my parents, and a response to the most basic of philosophical questions. Why live? Simply, to love.
Maybe by faith I can go a step further and do as Jesus suggests and
love those who hate you...
1 comment:
I need to pause and digest what you are saying in order to eespond wisely. Please do not get any idea that I have found unltimate wisdom! I can share some of my own struggles and despair, and you can see that now at age 83 I am healthy and mostly at peace because of them.
Marilyn
Post a Comment