Problems as opportunies

I probably rely too much on Myers-Briggs as a lens for seeing myself and others, but that will probably continue as long as it serves as an easy way to make lots of personal progress and find balance.

The two areas where I could make the most improvement are on my Intuitive-Perceptive (NP) side. If I want to change things I need to turn my ideas into action (Judging) and relating to people (Feeling). I have noticed that I used to avoid the _SFJ types but over the past few years I have come to value their company. These types are easiest to relate to when they differ by a single personality attribute. For instance, I can learn a great deal from my ENFP friends about how to relate to others as we see the world so similarly in other areas. I see the merits of planning and hard work when i look at my _NTJ counterparts. I can easily see how the great things in life (particularly in the modern world) generally require some measure of unreasonable persistence or good old fashioned raw competition if one is to be successful. Just doing something because you set your mind to it.

I have realized to be successful, I need to adapt. I too often find myself giving up on things because I often am not willing to put the work in to make them happen. It's too easy to rationalize why the sacrifice is too great. In general this is fine because it reduces stress level, but when it come to things I care about (health, relationships, "spiritual quest", biggest ideas) I would benefit from some discipline to make sure I don't just fall into the path of least resistance.

I also tend to push people away from me because I come off as too harsh or uncaring. This is not the case. I just tend to value the "greater good" over the individuals I may encounter (even those who may be close to me). I guess what I often fail to highlight is that I am willing to make sacrifices for others if I see a clear benefit. I am not out to maximize the world for my own sake. The course of action I would promote is something I would also be willing to subject myself to if I were in a similar situation.

In general, I need to do a better job of highlight the human benefits of my ideas rather than just spitting out the reasons why it makes sense. I need to go beyond the facts and highlight and underscore the individual human impact. Put it into a narrative if possible. For the SF types, I might also want to make it into a real story that they can easily imagine.

Things I can do to work on understanding people

Feeling

• Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't seek out why they are wrong, instead try to see what they are saying. Withhold a final evaluation until you have done a good job of gathering additional facts. Momentarily stop seeking the right answer and just attempt to see their side. Assume they are doing the right thing and trying to be a good person. Don't assume people are stupid or selfish.
• More explicitly, just pause and listen - stop thinking. Don't create solutions, just do my best to see the world as they do
• Intentionally overweight other people's values/beliefs/opinions when trying to solve a conflict. I should probably just have a rule of just multiplying whatever they say by a factor of say 1.25x just because I am going to naturally value my own way of thinking more, they are not going to be able to fully articulate the reasons they believe in it and why they are going to naturally (like me) value what benefits them more closely. 
• Keep hanging around F types.
• Alter my speech. Focus on people and how it effects them -not just problems. This isn't necessarily going to change the way I see the world, but it will at least give me a better way to relate to people and help to form the types of relationships I want. I struggle a bit with this though as it tends to seem a bit duplicitous even if it does bring harmony. I am best around people when I can be blunt and not mince my words. Though I suppose it would be best if I could deliver my points with some measure of delicateness less than that of a sledgehammer.

Judging - how can I add structure or order?

• Give myself clear tasks to accomplish regularly. I have really enjoyed carrying out my New Years resolutions so far. I particularly liked the 30 day challenges because just as my insights about that area of my life begin to decrease I find something new to focus on. 
• Write. More than anything else, putting things in words seems to help me refine my thinking and help me to create a concrete plan. It also makes it easy to see how well I carried out what I said I hoped to do. I could also have monthly reminders to re-read what I have written and see how well I carried things out. DONE. I just set a monthly reminder for the first Sunday with the following text 
• "Take an hour or two to read what you have written for the previous month. Begin with a short meditation. Reflect on your own words. See how well you lived up to your principles, values and goals. Did you forget them? Use this time to refocus, find clarity and make new plans. Give praise where needed and be critical of areas you can make progress or simply failed or flat out forgot. "
• On a day to day basis I can make lists. I should take time each morning to write out a few things I hope to accomplish on a given day. Leaning on alarms and calendars is also another subset of these micro-reminders. 
• Keep a clean house, car and workspace. I do not know if cleanliness is next to godliness, but cleanliness does give me a sense of peace when I walk into my house. The act of physically keeping things in order also seems to help me find mental order. I feel at ease when I walk into a clean, neat area. It makes me feel dis-ease in my own home when things are in disarray. The work associated with cleaning is also good practice for the perseverance needed to push through other difficult tasks. 
• Meditate. Part of the reason I do not focus is because I have a cluttered mind. Sitting in silence is useful for helping to direct attention to the most important tasks. 
• Make myself publicly accountable. Have people who will push me to accomplish my goals. Better yet, find people who share similar passions and who will want to participate with me. Things are more fun for me when I have others who share in my journey. 
• Develop a list of principles to live by. The list can be editable. I saw a parenting book the other day that attempted to take corporate principles and apply them to family life. Interesting idea. One of the most appealing was developing a the family equivalent of a corporate mission statement. I should have a clear sense of purpose. Start of that this month. Here is a good example from my old CEO. 
• Focus my gratitude on aspects of my under-developed J side. Extol the benefits of routine and the joys it can (hopefully) bring to my life. Come to appreciate the aspects that have thus far frustrated me. 

Gratitude:

• As much as I might dislike work at times, the fact that I am required to sit at a desk for hours a day (structure and order) results in me being able to do things like write out what I am thinking and find clarity in my own life. I know I wouldn't do this if I was at home sitting around on my laptop by myself. I would be on Facebook or watching Netflix.