Elements of Rhetoric

I waste a lot of time arguing on Facebook or through email. I love debate. I like hammering out different issues and trying to find an answer two parties can agree on. When it's clear people have an entrenched belief I often turn to the attack mode and come out with all guns blazing. I relentless "attack" the other party in order to "win" the argument. Communication devolves from an amicable exchange to a heated assault. 

While such combative language might be helpful in asserting some sort of intellectual dominance it does little to sway the other person or to convince an onlooker who might happen to read the exchange. In short, these sorts of exchanges lack persuasion. The other person stops listening and others feel uncomfortable associating with someone who uses such harsh tactics/language (even if they feel the "attacker" is right). 

After a new friend frankly said to me "you are too harsh, you aren't going to convince anyone with your style," I began to reflect on my delivery and the idea more broadly. 

As we are in the midst of an election cycle, the two campaigns of Barack Obama and Mitt Romney offered a nice comparison of two styles. With the increased "popularity" of voting (which is always common during presidential elections) "relatability" was a deciding factor. I saw one poll which asked "which candidate cares about me?" Obama won with nearly 85% of the vote. Throughout the year I have curiously reflected on key differences. Below are the nuggets I was able to glean from the race. 

• Speak to the the future, not the past
• Say what you hope for, not what you don't like
• Switch between facts and stories
• Switch between formal and informal 

On the second point, rather than criticizing one thing to make a point, use the opportunity to praise another. Recently I wanted to say a person at our office wasn't responsible for growth. Rather than discounting that person's efforts, I gave credit to the other person. Rather than making an enemy, I actually made a friend. I still made the same point. It also made it easier for others to agree with what I was saying since I wasn't indirectly attacking anyone.

I was also surprised to read an article which detailed the use of social scientists who have studied motivation and persuasion. They offered a few insights

If attacked, don't say you are "not" what you are accused of... State what you are. In Obama's case he didn't not say he was not a Muslim, he said he affirmed he was a Christian. People tend to remember the association....To encourage people to go to the polls they highlighted that nearby neighbors were voting, rather than highlighting the loss of their vote if they abstained. It seems social pressure and conformity are key.... Another tactic was to encourage voters by reminding them they had voted in the past. People are keen on maintaining (or maybe pressured to keep) consistency in their outward public image.....People also seem to be more likely to do things when they make a small plan. The campaign used small cards with a photo of the president to get people to commit to voting at a certain time. I guess signing a pledge and then following up would even further cement this commitment. Maybe that's why expectant brides still use RSVP cards. Maybe there is still a bit of psychological black magic in them. 

In particular, it seems the two most important aspects for winning over people are competence and warmth. 

Interestingly my most common attribute (my laugh and smile) turns in to an entirely different show of teeth when I engage in serious debate. I need to work on this a good bit. It will be an area of focus for me in the coming weeks/months. 

Another thing I need to avoid is the use of extreme words (draconian is a good example). They just sort of make others roll their eyes and don't help to make your point. Instead of "draconian budget cuts", say "the effects of the cuts will be acute and deeply effect average Americans". People want a reason to believe something, not just facts. 

Slow down

too antsy
always considering yesterday
or what I will do after work
while taking a piss
standing in line
walking from the car to the office
what just happened?
moments lost
this is most of life


A Buddhist parable:


"A traveler, fleeing a tiger who was chasing him, ran till he came to the edge of a cliff. There he caught hold of a thick vine, and repelled down the edge hoping he might wait out the tiger. Above him the tiger snarled. A moment later he heard another snarl, and to his surprise, there was second tiger, peering up at him. The vine swayed him midway between two tigers.

Two mice, a white mouse and a black mouse, began to gnaw at the vine. He could see they were quickly eating it through. Then in front of him on the cliff side he saw a luscious bunch of wild grapes. Holding onto the vine with one hand, he reached and picked a grape with the other.

How delicious!"

Uncertainty

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
– Albert Einstein

"To trace something unknown back to something known is alleviating, soothing, gratifying and gives moreover a feeling of power. Danger, disquiet, anxiety attend the unknown – the first instinct is to eliminate these distressing states. First principle: any explanation is better than none… The cause-creating drive is thus conditioned and excited by the feeling of fear …"
– Friedrich Nietzsche

"Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds – justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner."
– Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat


We trust what we see, what we feel, what we touch. We have a way of believing in the permanence of it, in the reality of it, in the truth of it. Few care to embrace the uncertainty in life, or to acknowledge the limited capacity for perception and retention that we posses. Life becomes so much simpler when I can simply say "I don't know." It's the most honest thing I've ever uttered. I think our natural tendency is to follow that up with the phrase "but I will figure it out." This is the mistake, the challenge is to be at peace with uncertainty, to embrace it. The best we can do in life is "highly probable."

With his head on her stomach, the incessant internal chatter was calmed like the rough seas of Galilee. The cacophony of voices was muted with a gentle stroke of his hair. "Peace be still" she seemed to say. For the first time in a long time, he heard the gentle brush of his skin against fabric, the gentle thump of his own heartbeat. It was a heavy silence, certainly an unfamiliar one.

These moments usually made him writhe in discomfort. The dual threat of boredom and isolation were always creeping closer. But somehow this time was different. It was a restful silence. Like a cat on a sunny window ledge, he paused as a gentle sleepiness came over him.While the chatter had a way of keeping him energized, it was also very tiresome. Without it, his jitteriness melted away like wax and he sank deeper into her body. He fell asleep a few moments later.  

 

On Meditation...

The founder of our Order, Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett, who studied meditation under some of the greatest meditation masters of Japan, translated the classic Zen texts on the mind of meditation as saying that the critical element is, "Do not try to think, and do not try not to think". She likened the mind of meditation to a person sitting under a bridge beneath a busy road. The "traffic" on the road is our thoughts, feelings, perceptions, emotions, etc. To try to mentally stop the traffic is to "try not to think". The same is true of dulling the mind to the point where no traffic is noticed at all. These approaches would seriously unbalance the harmony of meditation: the first one by increasing concentration to the point of excluding awareness, the second by decreasing awareness to the point that only concentration is left. On the other hand, to leave one's sitting place, get up and accept a ride in one of the cars is to "try to think". One's mind is literally "captured" and "carried away" by a particular thought or feeling, so that what was simply a passing thought turns into a ten minute chain of thinking. Here, the concentration has been insufficient, and awareness has lost touch entirely with the basic fact of things-as-they-are: the fact that we are just sitting there. Whenever we find that we are doing something other than just sit there, we gently bring our mind back. This is done over and over again, and is the work of meditation practice.

 Another useful observation which Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett made about meditation was the distinction between natural and deliberate thought. Suppose, for instance, that a dog barks while we are meditating. We naturally hear the sound, and perhaps the thought occurs to us that a dog is barking. These are examples of natural thought; they are part of things-as-they-are, part of simple, aware sitting. This is meditation, and nothing needs to be done about it. But suppose that we continue the chain of thought: we next think that the barking disturbs our meditation, that our neighbor should control their dog better, that something really should be done about this lack of consideration·, and the next thing we are aware of is that we "wake up", realizing that we have spent the last five minutes giving our neighbor a lecture. This is deliberate thought and is inconsistent with serene reflection meditation. We need to bring our mind back to the awareness of simply sitting there. 

http://www.berkeleybuddhistpriory.org/pages/meditation/meditation.html

Two years too late....

There was a time when my world
Was filled with darkness
Then I stopped dreaming now
I'm supposed to fill it up with something

In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody
I knew before, long ago
But I'm still trying to make my mind up
Am I free or am I tied up?

I change shapes just to hide in this place
But I'm still, I'm still an animal
Nobody knows it but me when I slip
Yeah I slip, I'm still an animal

There is a hole and I tried to fill it up with money
But it gets bigger till your horse is always running
In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody
That could be strong

Tell me if I'm wrong
And now I'm pulling your disguise up
Are you free or are you tied up?

I change shapes just to hide in this place
But I'm still, I'm still an animal
Nobody knows it but me when I slip
Yeah I slip, I'm still an animal

Mind vs. Emotion

A clash between mind and emotions is a clash between two assessments, one of which is conscious, the other might not be. It is not invariably the case that the conscious assessment is superior to the subconscious one; that needs to be checked out. The point is not that we follow the voice of emotion or feeling blindly, it means only that we don't dismiss our feelings and emotions so quickly; we try to understand what they may be telling us; we don't simply repress, rather we try to resolve the conflict between reason and feeling. We strive for harmony, for integration. We don't simply slash away the pieces of ourselves that don't fit our notion of the good or the right or the rational.

The solution for people who seem over preoccupied with feelings is not the renunciation of feelings but rather greater respect for reason, thinking, and the intellect. What is needed is not a renunciation of emotion but a better balance between emotion and thinking. Thinking needs to be added to the situation, emotion does not need to be subtracted from the situation.

http://mol.redbarn.org/objectivism/Writing/NathanielBranden/BenefitsAndHazards.html

The Need for a Value System

I think the excerpt below is quite important:

"And the point right now is not whether she was right or wrong in all respects of that vision, but that she had a vision, a highly developed one, one that seemed to promise comprehensiveness, intelligibility, and clarity -- one that promised answers to a lot of burningly important questions about life. And human beings long for that.

We humans have a need to feel we understand the world in which we live. We have a need to make sense out of our experience. We have a need for some intelligible portrait of who we are as human beings and what our lives are or should be about. In short, we have a need for a philosophical vision of reality.

But twentieth-century philosophy has almost totally backed off from the responsibility of offering such a vision or addressing itself to the kind of questions human beings struggle with in the course of their existence. Twentieth-century philosophy typically scorns system building. The problems to which it addresses itself grow smaller and smaller and more and more remote from human experience. At their philosophical conferences and conventions, philosophers explicitly acknowledge that they have nothing of practical value to offer anyone. This is not my accusation; they announce it themselves.

During the same period of history, the twentieth century, orthodox religion has lost more and more of its hold over people's minds and lives. It is perceived as more and more irrelevant. Its demise as a cultural force really began with the Renaissance and has been declining ever since.

But the need for answers persists. The need for values by which to guide our lives remains unabated. The hunger for intelligibility is as strong as it ever was. The world around us is more and more confusing, more and more frightening; the need to understand it cries out in anguish.

One evidence of this need, today, is the rise of cults, the resurgence of belief in astrolgy, pop mysticism, and the popularity of self-appointed gurus."

http://mol.redbarn.org/objectivism/Writing/NathanielBranden/BenefitsAndHazards.html

I don't spend enough time with myself. I let people pull me into their worlds, their interests. I need to be a little more assertive when it comes finding alone time. I also need to be more appreciative when it comes along. I have been trying (unsuccessfully) for the past few weeks to really reserve Sundays for myself and spend half the day reflecting in solitude. However during the work week when I hope to stay busy, I often find myself antsy when faced with the prospect of being alone. I need to be more appreciative of this time and embrace it when things turn out that way. I was reading some old emails during my breakup and was surprised at both the clarity and depth of my emotion. I rarely find times to organize my thoughts so carefully. 

As I sit here now, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the grey skies overhead, feet slightly cold in my cozy home, I feel calm. I feel at peace. Just relaxed. Time stands still for a bit. I feel my own heart, beat. It makes my breathe undulate. I hear the air as I breath out. I hear birds chirp and squawk. The house creaks even after a hundred years. My feet rustle against the comforter. My mind stops for a bit. The whole world is right here. Possibilities, the future, yesterday, my bank account.... none of that matters. I just sink into my mattress and keep breathing slowly and deeply. My muscles relax and let go. I can sit still. Peace.

Old advice to myself

more old notes (I still need to work on the last one):

• When you have an idea, don't just use intuition. Pull the data for it. Do your research. Fact check. Lay out a clear thesis. Doubt yourself. Be precise
• Be more friendly. Be more helpful. You like nice people!
• When you have a question/feedback for someone first make a serious effort to understand their reasoning and decision making process before you state what you would do differently. 
• Spend less time writing email
• Rely on other people for help and don't be afraid to ask for it. 
• DIVE IN! You like learning. Don't put off the hard/tedious stuff for last. Just assume you will figure it out. You probably can, and if not, see #5
• Don't ask questions you can look up yourself
• Deal with issues/questions up front. Don't wait to ask important questions. 
• Take clear notes about personal failures. Reflect on them. Learn from them
• Work on self discipline. Learn to bite your tongue. Exercise restraint. 
• Set realistic expectations and makes sure you have clear and explicit expectations
• If you have time to think before you act, let it all simmer. Take advantage of the time and ignore your impatience as difficult as it might be.
• Read more carefully, more slowly. Then read it again. 
• Be less confrontational in conversations. You don't mind a good debate and can generally keep calm, but others don't always see the sport in the back and forth. Just say that's nice and listen, nod your head. You will be surprised what other people have to say and how they open up to you. 

What I want in life:

More notes from my old notebook:

- A big circle of interesting friends who challenge me intellectually (growth), who share similar interests and who are reliable and willing to help

- A place where I can plug myself into and make a tangible difference in my community

- An absence of the stresses and problems of modern life (mostly urban issues)... loss of physical space, noise (and an absence of quiet green spaces), pollution, financial stress

- The ability to live freely and express myself (lots of jobs restrict this - professionalism is a waste of my life)

Procrastination

I read a book on procrastination a while back and came across my comments in an old notebook. I felt they were worth sharing:

1) Be mindful of "feeling good" vs "feeling good about yourself" --> I have a tendency to to be lazy and enjoy life but long-term satisfaction comes from pushing yourself in the short term. Sometimes things in the short term are difficult. Don't shy away from them

2) Avoid indulging in a private self image that is at odds with your public self image (this has been the most useful point since I read the book). This type of passive fantasizing can take the place of actually doing things that demonstrate your worth or "specialness" to others and yourself. Examples include:

• saying one thing but acting another
• re-imagining arguments to play a more flattering role
• using social media to project an image that isn't real
• acting different depending on the social circle

It is important to identify these inconsistencies as they undermine both identity and respect (once you are found out) as well as your tendency to actually accomplish things

3) Differentiate between dreams and goals.

• Dreams are visions, loose knit ideas
• Goals are achievable, have steps and can be measured

CHANGE HOW YOU SPEAK:

replace vague passive language with direct concrete

• "I wish" and "I'd like to"  become "I will try".... 
• Change "someday" to specific times
• Avoid make believe talk - exist in reality
• "I deserve more than I am getting"
• "I'm entitled to..."
• "I know it will all come out OK in the end....."
• "I'm the best person they ever had in this role...."
• "I shouldn't have to account for my time...."
• obviously in all of these some truth, but truth is not expressed.... If you want to say such things either back them up with facts or don't

CHANGE HOW YOU ACT:

plan each major project in writing, with a timeline and deadlines

• lay out mini-goals and check them off
• you need something to measure your progress against

1. Keep a "to do" and a "to think about" list
1. set a time each day to plan 
2. make lists in the morning or before bed
3. check during the day
4. review afterwards to see how you did
2. Distinguish between things you will definitely finish and things you hope to finish
3. Use timers/alarms/phones to remind you 

DO INSTEAD OF THINK!

Seek out more interaction with others:

-Don't get lost in dreams

- LISTEN to them DEEPLY 

- Actively seek out their views (nod your head, invite them to speak)

- Keep quiet, don't brag about what you know - make them comfortable

 

Thought vs. Intuition

I have always considered myself a good "thinker" though I have also known for some time that I am generally confusing to others when I try to convey exactly how I come to a conclusion. I am only now understanding why my extemporaneous thought has always been rather confusing to others.

What I am realizing is that while I may be an ENTP, my strongest attributes are external intuition and internal thinking. Internally I am able to quickly highlight the key aspects of a situation and make a decision off of them. Being a strong N-type means I am admittedly weak at walking through the small steps I made to arrive at a conclusion. I should avoid trying to share the inner workings of my admittedly non-linear thought processes without first pausing to synthesize it into something another human being can process. There is nothing wrong with sharing my general opinion of a situation, the biggest concerns/risks I have identified but if I wish to consider "debate" further, I should write out my thinking privately in a clear and linear manner. Only then it will be in a form that a larger population can follow.

Also, slowing down would probably be helpful too

Ruminating

While one of my biggest assets is my ability to be adaptable, the blase', almost aimless approach I often take might be a little too passive.While I am often quite reflective, I don't often make as many tangible changes because of my approach.

I need to stay grounded and keep my head from getting lost in a world possibilities.Short-sightedness, narrow thinking and a lack of vision are three things I try to avoid, though most of my mental wanderings/ideas/planning/dreaming aren't really beneficial. They often cause me to doubt myself. When I am present and focus on what I am doing, I am generally pretty happy. There is nothing wrong with pausing and working on tangible improvements to my life, but the all-pervasive, second-guessing I frequently engage in doesn't usually do anything but bring anxiety and confusion (things like Facebook are good at helping to generate these thoughts). It rarely results in a plan or even a single step I might take to improve my lot. The question I should be asking should be simply, "does my situation make me unhappy" or "am I mostly responsible for my own unhappiness?" In either case, what concrete steps might I take to find a more enjoyable life. Wishing I had taken another career or educational path, wishing I had more money/looks/intelligence, or that old relationships had panned out doesn't do anything. Wishing I might change the world without participating in it is just self-indulgent fantasy.

I need more short terms goals, I need more self discipline, I need determination, I need a little more selflessness, I need to take a few more targeted risks, I need to seek out feedback from those who care about me.

To do that I need more alone time. I reflect on what I really value and what would be the most beneficial to those around me. I need to open my eyes to see the needs beyond my own narrow scope. This does not mean I should be unimaginative, but that I should focus only on the things I can actually hope to accomplish (and then maybe multiply by a factor of two for good measure). I need to focus on the short term and intermediate terms tasks that I need to execute on in order to carry out whatever vision I want to bring to life.

Refinement?

So, I sit here on my porch with smug satisfaction.  Drinking from a leaded crystal tumbler. Drinking a little refreshing summer cocktail I whipped up with things from the garden: cucumber, basil, lemon mint, a splash of lemonade, club soda, vodka and a pinch of salt. I think how simple most bars are and how I can much nicer drinks for myself. Such pretentious taste. 

I reflect on my own life. How I would rather live in this hundred year old house with it's thick molding, hardwood floors, and high ceiling than live in some comfortable boring, ordinary abode in the 'burbs.... even if it is in the hood and refuses to cool below 80 for the months of July and August. How I am willing to trade these immediate comforts for the perception of refinement. I think about my past at Bridgewater or at the Governor's School and the satisfaction that came from telling others I attended. Or at work, where I just joined the Capital City Club. Each morning I sit and dine from a breakfast spread that rivals some of the nicest hotels I have stayed in. Or last night I, reflected on my own disdain for my parents TV viewing habits as I watch classic cinema on Netflix. Such arrogance. Such pretension.  

I wonder what I am trying to compensate for? My own trailer trash past? My country accent. The pervaise perception that anyone with a southern accent must be stupid? A critical father? I remember my last two bosses always got a kick out of making fun of my southern past. Was it from Governor's school and trying to  compete with everyone else? My complete ignorance to even the most elementary aspects of etiquette as a child? I can't think of any specific instances when I was spurned by a woman that would have caused this.

I also can think of just as many instances when I have embraced low brow activities, though I generally view these as satire. I feel different when I am enjoying nicer things. I suppose I am still mentally playing, but I feel as if that is where I belong.

Mindfulness

Let's talk...

Chance...

An honest man cannot ignore the profound role that chance plays in his life. I do need to give credit to Buffet for reminding me of the side I often forget. I think it explains a lot of the political divide we have in our country. I guess the answer is that both are right and both are wrong. Chance is real, so is hard work and they each play varying roles in every person's life. One certainly cannot succeed without hard work, but one also cannot also look back at life and argue that fortune did not play a role.


Buffet acknowledges had he been born black or born a woman expectations would have been different and he wouldn't have been nearly as successful. Jay-Z also talks about how lucky he was just to make it out alive from his own crime-ridden neighborhood.

Said differently, everyone buys a lottery ticket with some small sliver of hope, but only one will win. Life is similar in some regards (though success is much more likely if you do "buy the ticket.")

I am reminded of the words of Qoheleth (Ecclesiastes).

"Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones.

I have seen slaves on horseback, while princes go on foot like slaves.

Whoever digs a pit may fall into it; whoever breaks through a wall may be bitten by a snake.

Whoever quarries stones may be injured by them; whoever splits logs may be endangered by them."

However, ultimately the perception of events is in the mind of the individual. I think that's why Buddhism has been so helpful. It reminded me that my outlook determines my happiness. As Buffet demonstrates in the video below, had be born in India with the same skills, they would have been much less useless, but he would have done it regardless of the payout. He says he would have traded had the payout been in seashells. His own life reflects that. He certainly does not live like a billionaire.

"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do."

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

and most elusively....

"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun--all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun."


(start at :50)

A harmony of minds

Sad song still make me smile...

We live in an odd time

I was just watching the news and some blurb about Richard Branson (the iconic Billionaire from Virgin Mobile) and his latest adventure to explore the seas, Virgin Oceanic (which follows up his equally ambitious project, Virgin Galactic). Moments later, on the same station, an infomercial appeared for some silly kitchen device that makes chopping vegetables easier. I guess it just highlighted for me, what a strange world we live in. Where technologies which should have been invented hundreds of years ago are still able to make people millions, while at the same time others are using very expensive technologies only invented within the last few years to explore the known frontiers of the universe. It demonstrated that there are always "inefficiences" or at least opportunities to improve upon the everyday experience, regardless of how trivial. The second is that the far frontiers of science seem very out of reach. This dichotomy has always bothered me. I feel as though I have a great deal of creativity, but it the areas where it can be put to use often seem rather limited - as if all of the great ideas have already been invented. I guess what this should teach me is that though the little vegetable chopper might seem totally useless and banal, it probably does provide a great deal of social utility (by virtue of its profits), even in its super-simple form. I should always remind myself not to get demoralized and that there are always a thousand improvements on the everyday experience I could easily bring to market.

The Compassion of Adam Smith

Below are some excerpts that I re-worded from Adam Smith's lesser-known first work, The Theory of Moral Sentiments. I have been taking the compassionate course at the UU and was quite surpised to find these penned by word's most well known economist. I was also surprised to see that his interest was not initially in understanding markets, but in understanding people. He began his studies as a social philosopher.

 _____

No matter how selfish a man may be, most will always have some interest in the feelings of others. This pity or compassion is the emotion we feel when we see the misery of other creatures. The fact that we can derive sorrows from the sorrows of others is a matter too obvious to require any instances to prove it. This sentiment like all the other passions of human nature is by no means confined to the virtuous or the humane, though they may in fact feel it with the most exquisite sensibility. The most hardened heart is not altogether without it.  

As we have no natural ability to experience what other men feel, we can never understand the depth and nature of their feelings beyond conceiving what we ourselves would feel in a similar situation – we rely on the impression of our own senses and our own personal histories. Though our brother may be on the rack, as long as we ourselves are at ease, our senses will never inform us of what he suffers. Our own cognition never has and never can, carry us beyond our own person, and it is only through sheer imagination that we can form any conception of another's sensation.
The administration of the great system of the universe and the care of the universal happiness of all rational and sensible beings, is the business of God and not of man. To man is allotted a much humbler department, but one much more suitable to the narrowness of his powers and his comprehension: the care of his own happiness; to the extent possible, that of his family, his friends, his country. But though we are endowed with a very strong desire of those ends, it has been entrusted to the slow and uncertain determinations of our reason to find out the proper means of bringing them about. Nature has directed us to these ends through innate instinct: hunger, thirst, the passion which unites the two sexes, and the dread of pain, prompt us to apply those means for their own sakes. We do these things without any consideration of their tendency produce beneficial ends which the "great Director of nature" intended them to produce.
Thus being led they mean only their own convenience and the gratification of their insatiable desires and often vain desire, they divide with the others the products of all their improvements. They are led by an invisible hand to make nearly the same distribution of the necessaries of life, which would have been made, had the earth been divided into equal portions among all its inhabitants, and thus without intending it, without knowing it, advance the interest of the society.

..the more they stay the same

Sadly....

 

"With the greater part of rich people, the chief enjoyment of riches consists in the parade of riches."

-Adam Smith

 

If only we saw it this way:

 

"The chief end of labor is leisure."

-Aristotle

What I enjoy and why....

I made a list of all the activities I enjoyed and then made a list of reasons I enjoy them and consended it to the following qualities:

·         Ability to find beauty and bring things to life

·         Meaningful work (think about what this really means?)

·         Being mentally challenged and stretched

·         Ability to be creative

·         Autonomy

·         New experiences on a daily basis (places, people, food, ect - doesn't have to be  anything exotic either, could be just walking down a new street)

·         Working with people in order to change my own limited perspective

Spiritual Malaise

I have noticed a distinct lack of "passion" in my life lately. I have felt a general disinterest in most things. Right now I feel a general spiritual malaise. Sarte called it "the nausea" - a palpable weight on my soul, that I carry around. I am not sure if this is because I have an aversion to routine and I am in a very normal 9-5 job, because I have all of my biological needs (food, sleep, sex, shelter) met with little stress and applied effort  (I think hunger in the specific and in the broad sense is a good thing), or if I am coming to the same conclusion as Ecclesiasties that I will find less and less happiness as I age (I have certainly embraced the concept that life is inherently meaningless [and that purpose is what we create in the lack of this meaning]), if it's just a normal cycle of my hypomania, or a normal withdrawal from caffeine and to some degree alcohol, or this is in fact a normal response to the life I am currently living (one that while covering all of my basic life needs is, to use an economic term, far from my potential output).

 

I supposed I should attack them systematically:

• Aversion to routine: I do in fact despise the routinized life so common in corporate America. I have only been here and I have altered my daily habits at least a dozen times. I tried new restaurants every day during lunch, I biked to work, I started eating a big breakfast and working out during lunch. I met friends for happy hour after work. I started to read after work. I started to meditate during lunch. I started to read during lunch. I worked late. I started waking up earlier. I enjoy novelty. It is the one thing that makes me excited. Just running through a new neighborhood in the morning and seeing how other live their lives is often enough to cheer me up for bit. I guess this what it means is that I need to make an effort in both life and my job to meet new people and see new things to whatever extent I am able. I am not doing this now.
• Biologically satiated- I think experiencing the elements, going hungry and having an unmet sex drive is good. It seems to motivate me to improve my condition instead of "going soft" in the padded seats, AC, and munching on good food all day. I think Epicurus was right.
• Life gets boring with age - well, being 27, I can say that the trajectory of my life confirms the general trend, but I am too young to speak with any experience. I am also not sure if the dry, boring life I am living now is more a result of conformity and having let social norms beat out most aspects of individuality (through embarrassment, by dangling capital in my face, by succumbing to the expectations of women I encountered) I might have clung to as a child. It does seem rather obvious that the more you try things the less interesting they will be, but I am also convinced that with the almost infinite array of diversity in the world (among people, geography, art, and plants... all ranging from the microscopic to the scale of galaxies... each with an infinite number of theories and models for processing, understanding and predicting how things will flow through time) that I should be able to find a ceaseless stream of gratitude and a deep deep well of amazement to draw from and drink it's cool waters. Verdict: to be determined. Would probably be good to take an informal survey of my older friends to get their opinion on this (note to self: make sure to get a real view and not an idealized version). 
• Seasonal mood fluctuation - possible, need better documentation, consult with friends, read scientific literature. No real insight here other than these things seem to be moderated by exercise, sleep and a good diet, all of which I have.
• Caffeine - plays a stronger role than I would like on my mood. I do feel quite happy when I drink it. There is a noticeable absence when I don't. Life is probably better without it. If i do use it, it should only be recreational and not a part of my daily routine (other than maybe decaf as a digestive aide).
• Normal Response to current situation - I think there is merit here. I recently had a phone interview with a firm from London and was quite excited by the prospect of a new job in a new place that would challenge me and give me time to travel and work with people. I need to reflect more on what I really want and where I am systematically missing out on these things in my current phase of life.
• I haven't been to any new clubs/groups, pursued any new hobbies, locations, or even dates in a while. This has partly been because I have not wanted my happiness to be contingent upon my circumstances (I have this strange desire to create a worldview that I could apply even if I were in a wheelchair in a nursing home - it just seems more honest since that is a very real possibility one day) so I have been trying to find contentment in my ordinary day-to-day life. Though this seems to be selling myself short if I am capable of doing things I would enjoy and am forcing myself to forego them. At a minimum I should be reading the free times more and going to events that look interesting. I should actively be expanding my circle of friends. I should be taking time at least one afternoon a week to enjoy my hobbies and carry out projects I have been wanting to for a while (particularly a few photo-essays on things around Columbia). I need to get involved with the service groups I looked into last week.     

This plan makes me a feel a tad better. I think I just gave myself something to look forward to in the coming weeks. I have a little smile on my face... 

The Graduate

Strange. I remembered the ending of this film pretty accurately until the final few seconds. I always carried an image of two people riding off in a red convertible still laughing about what had just happened - imagining they had found their own way, that they had found their own version of redemption. My mind totally edited out the final few seconds where they started to drift apart mentally. The Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack was so perfectly timed. Damn that is such a great film.