It's a been a while

I made a lot of progress earlier this year when I stuck to my new year's resolutions. I haven't done as much of that (or writing, or dinners with friends or  watched interesting films) over the past few months. In some ways I feel like I have been running from myself. While I have been doing lots of fun and interesting things I haven't been as purposeful as I would like. I feel a bit aimless and empty. I just come home and piss away my afternoons at the gym or dabbling on social media. I don't know what it's so hard for me to plan out what I enjoy (and need) and go after it. I guess it boils down to the fact that I am not living very deliberately.

What do I need more of?

• Meaningful companionship with people who draw out my feelinsgs 
• New Ideas that force me to challenge the way I see the world
• New challenges/project (physical, mental artistic)

As I write this, I feel this process is a bit cyclical. I have already planned out how to do all of those things above in great detail, in prior posts. I have just failed to execute and stick to the plan I have created. I lack discipline (ok, just bought a book on Amazon about self-discipline and will power). I am also a bit lazy and unfocused and tend to let my attention drift to whatever is the most pleasurable thing to do at a given moment regardless of what might be more important in the long run. 

I need to find out some ways to help other people. I have everything I need. Mentoring at Epworth was nice. I am always seeking ways to fill my time. I need to stop being so self-absorbed  

Now that I think about it though, I am a little lonely. I have lost a lot of friends to jobs, relationships, marriage and kids. I can look at the table of good friends I assembled for a Sunday dinners earlier this year - two moved, two have a newborn and another is in a relationship. My roommate will soon be moving to New York and the other moved away a few months ago. I need to take a little time to soak this in. It all sort of happened while I busied myself with work. 

Life Highlights:

Recently promoted to full time at work (nice raise and more interesting work)

just biked over 100 miles from near Columbia to Folly Beach

Road trips to Charleston, Athens, Clemson, Asheville 

Saw a few interesting botanical gardens and plantations in Athens, Charleston and Clemson