Spiritual Arrogance & Delusion

I do not mean by this declaration to condemn those who believe otherwise; they have the same right to their belief as I have to mine. But it is necessary to the happiness of man, that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
-Thomas Paine, Age of Reason

I have been very frustrated with evangelical's nonsensical claims of faith lately. Most claim things they don't believe and in most cases scare others into believing what they believe through the threat of hell (even though the Bible explicitly shuns this tactic).

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

In interpersonal relationships they use guilt and tug at the heart strings. They promise eternal life together with those you love most. What hard-hearted person would reject that? Sometimes they use the threat of ending the relationship as a means to convert others.

While all of these approaches are wrong, Jesus laid out a very clear path for "converting" others, it involves living out all of the teachings of Jesus.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

This is repeated again elsewhere even more explicitly (apologies for the misogynistic overtones of the verse, I think it would also apply if the sexual roles were reversed).

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of their lives 1 Peter 3:1-2

Even the Great Commission, when read with a modest degree of thoughtfulness doesn't support any of the modern ways evangelicals reach out to others or what they teach.

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

First notice Jesus doesn't say to go around teaching them to believe anything. He says to share his teachings. Clearly one cannot obey a belief. While it's not exactly clear what making someone a disciple means, the book of John does a better job of showing what this will look like when fully manifested in man.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another, 
John 13:34-35

It's quite simple. Teach others what Jesus taught and love one another. This is the essence of the Christian life and why I call myself one.

Jesus says this again in Matthew 19.

"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."  "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony,  honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Clearly, from the verses above proselytizing in it's modern form wasn't something that was intended, though I doubt it will die anytime soon as it's an excellent recruiting tool, ensures the survival of churches who encourage it, and will help them to grow faster (or at least replace elderly members who pass away) than churches who don't. It's a very adaptive strategy.

The last part of evangelism that annoys me of this whole process is how much weight evangelicals put on "faith" (Hence the Thomas Paine quote at the top of this passage). especially since I don't think many have seriously considered what the word means (and how it is different from certainty and how it relates to doubt).

First, faith should be put in it's proper perspective. Even for all of the talk about faith in his gospel, Paul still doesn't put faith as the most important characteristic:

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Second, I will outline what faith isn't. It is not believing with your whole mind something that doesn't make sense. It is not certainty. It doesn't not mean people don't have doubts. It is defined very succintly as "the assurance of things hope for." Jesus talks about this in several parables, my favorite of which is about the lilies of the field.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is the essence of faith. To simply trust that things will work out. This extends to other beliefs. Loving when it may make us vulnerable. Being generous when we may want to save or be miserly. Offering forgiveness when we may want to hold on to anger. Turning the other cheek when attacked. Having patience when we may want to lash out. It requires humanity to set aside the constant grasping for our own self preservation. To unclench the tight fist we have on our own possessions and the control we week over our own destiny. This is faith.

Some who cling to a 500 year old view of penal substitution (the idea that Jesus was an elaborate human sacrifice) will say this is all fine and well, but this isn't enough as we are some depraved fallen people destined for eternal damnation. How will we rid ourselves of the dark blot of sin?

To me, it is simple. Forgiveness is handed out freely and is really no different than faith in providence. Forgiveness comes by simple faith. Jesus says so very plainly.

"This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,  your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread.  Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. '  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:35-37

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

In the interactions during his life he makes this very clear. Jesus forgave sins while he was still alive (the woman who washed his feet, the paralyzed man who fell through the roof, the woman at the well and even on the cross where in the midst of his execution he uttered "father forgive them they know not what they do." He was living out his beliefs of forgiving others.

Faith is a simple thing. It is acting in conviction with ones beliefs even when it may appear that it could cost one to lose his ego, social standing, income or pride. In a word it is selflessness based on love. Jesus demonstrates that through his teaching all we need to do is to love and forgive others, and that if we believe with the same measure of faith that our sins are forgiven, they will be.

I hope we can all stop confusing this with intellectual certainty.

It is necessary to be bold. Some people can be reasoned into sense, and others must be shocked into it. Say a bold thing that will stagger them, and they will begin to think.
-Thomas Paine, personal letters

Words

Today I was researching quotes for a sermon at the UU about language. In the process I came across the gems below. Each one, nudging me like a little finger, touched a spot of my soul that needed attention. Like pithy and wise little fortune cookies from Confucius, they each thoughtfully summarized feelings I had been struggling to birth. Like a spritz of Windex on dusty, grimy old windows they allowed me to see through clear  panes of glass.

These quotes, when placed side by side like eggs in a carton, also helped me to see a paradox: Words are useless because they are easy to say, and also because they often cannot easily express how we feel... but they are still powerful beyond measure when wielded by someone we care about.

I think these quotes tell a story of the past few months of my life:

“I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

“Do actions agree with words? There's your measure of reliability. Never confine yourself to the words.”
― Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune

“Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.”
- Jodi Picoult

“That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.”
― Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

“Be silent or let thy words be worth more than silence.”
― Pythagoras

“I read her eyes like
paragraphs and her tears
like chapters
for she didn't have much
to say with words, but rather,
silence.

And never let them tell you
that silence, isn't beautiful.
For silence is what happens
when words fall asleep
and you must carry the belief
that one day they will
wake up inside of you.”
― Testy McTesterson

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
― Ingrid Bergman

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ”
― John Bunyan

“Lying is done with words, and also with silence.”
― Adrienne Rich, Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying

“It happens like this. One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.

Though here is a word of warning--you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more."
 ― Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

I can relate

“A word is not the same with one writer as it is with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.”
― Charles Péguy, Basic Verities, Prose, and Poetry

Reflections on connections

I always grow with each new relationship. The chance to deeply know and understand another person, to open your hearts and lives to each other is a special thing. The process of deeply valuing others for what they do better than me is something I wish I could do more. It helps me to grow as much as anything I do. Here is what I learned from my most recent relationship:

Ignore the stern looking faces of strangers. A smile goes a long way, but a hello with genuine concern can unchain the humanity in another waiting to come alive. People are generally pretty approachable if you reach out.

Better dental hygiene. Added another brushing and daily flossing to my routine. My smile is all the better for it.

I iron my clothes more often and am even more clean than I was before.

I have more patience and don't mind serving others. I am more willing to set my own desires aside.

I realize a softer touch, kinder words and a little encouragement are things I need to do more often. On a positive note I also learned I have more patience than I thought I did.

I am stronger in my own faith because I was forced to reexamine it and own my own beliefs.

Road Trips

They all start out the same

Fresh cup of coffee, tank full of gas
Belly full of food, pocketful of cash
Just a destination, no plans in mind
For a few days, I'll leave it all behind

Softer, gentler

"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." 
- Isaac Newton

Every situation presents a chance to learn... to let go...or to find gratitude. Usually all three

For my sanity

Most important qualities in a mate:

-realibility/dependability/trust
-quality time
-tactile
-good heart
-intellectually curious

Guilty

I can relate

I was reading a book on MBTI types and came across this passage.

It's definitely something that has been lacking in one of my more personal relationships

The Precipice

My mom used to work in home health and from time to time would share the rather gruesome reality of her patients poorly treated wounds. Particularly those that had been sewed over and where infection teemed under the otherwise healthy-looking skin. Eventually some doctor, or  nurse like my mother, would attempt to clean the area and all sorts of putrid fluids would come pouring out. The reality that this wound was not healing quickly sat in. While the patient will physically will be for better for acknowledging the reality of the situation, the psychological toll from this revelation can greatly offset the physical benefits. I suppose emotional trauma is the same. It's often easier to carry around a poorly healed emotional would than it is to poke around and risk discovering there is something really deep.

I feel like I am there now. There is some dark shadow lurking behind my shoulder for the past week. I know I could run away - go on a roadtrip, busy myself with activities, call all of my friends, watch a few good films, go on a date or two - but that even in the midst of all that (the roadtrip potentially being an exception) I would still be haunted by the shadow. I know I need to just turn around and stare whatever it is in the eyes.

I suppose a combination of uncertainty around what the issue really was (I considered seasonal factors, work, ennui) and the fear that it is something larger probably kept me from facing it earlier in the week. There is always a bit of a worry that by indulging in these feelings there is a chance one might fall completely into the blackness.

I have been there once and I know it can be difficult to pull yourself out if you get in too deep. It's akin to looking out of the door of the plane just before skydiving or looking over the rocky ledge of a canyon.

While thinking about this all, I called a good friend to ask for advice and she wisely said "Work through it but set a limit. Allow yourself to dive in, but have a detailed plan to climb back out."

I feel a lot like an explorer preparing for a big journey just by writing this. I need to gear up, mentally prepare myself for pain, and turn anxiety into a challenge.

The posts here are like notes from a younger, wiser me to a future self
for the days when I've lost my way
to remind me to feel and to push through
that I have been here before and managed just fine
and that clarity and peace are familiar friends

January 2010

spring comes early in the South
daffodils, heralding new life,
push forth delicate yellow petals and narrow green shoots
in the warmth of longer days
yet, a thousand miles, and a half season away
a distant friend trudges through slushy brown snow
the cold dry air cuts through the alleys
far away from the pleasant end of winter
a photo might suffice, but our age permits more
unexpected, pure white lilies in clear glass
carry the hope of a warm southern breeze
to melt away an icy heart

Cacophony

Sometimes I need to separate myself from others while I feel out my own beliefs. The noise of another's consciousness is loud and intruding, and too often, if I am receiving information I am too often filtering it through both my lens and theirs. It takes too much brain capacity to give both thoughts a fair hearing and in the process I give neither a fair chance or the justice of full reflection. Ideas needs room to bounce around, build connections with other thoughts and become fully rooted, dismissed or held in a waiting area for further examination. If they are crowded out by the constant comparison and dual evaluation, I also don't have time to examine them as deeply. I don't have the time hold it in my hands, to touch it, to feels its weight, texture and it's top bottom and sides. I need to treat them with the kindness and acceptance I would offer a potential new friend and not the skepticism and apprehension of an intruder.

Relationships

After basic attraction, all I really want is someone to share my life with - the things I enjoy, love and value. Someone to offer a little understanding when it might be hard to find in the world. Someone who appreciates me for who I am and what I do and someone I appreciate for the same reason. Someone who wants to spend time with me, because I enjoy that.

Thoughts from today's sermon

Community : To know and to be known

How can there be peace in the world if I can't find equanimity in myself after doing something as simple as reading a biased article

Move the needle

Focus on the big problems, go slowly, and spend time to solve them well. Don't sweat the small things and just focus on doing an excellent job. Being busy won't take you very far, solving big problems will.

Tact

Saying the right thing, in the right way, at the right time...

Data vs Narratives

A simple and intuitive narrative is a great way to spread information - people like a good story. Unfortunately what I am realizing is that a good narrative is actually more powerful than raw data that might contradict it. It's hard to get people to let go of a storyline they buy into.

My strategy for undoing this is to first acknowledge that it makes sense (or else they will want to teach you why it is right - unnecessary if you have studied it extensively). Next, show data in a simple way that highlights the error their thinking. Last, Next, offer an equally compelling, alternative story line to replace the one you just undid. You also have to make sure to emotionally connect while you are trying to get someone to see a different point of view. People aren't too keen on giving up exchanging their views for those of someone they don't find to be likable.

What I believe

I spend so much time forming my opinions in reaction to what other people believe that I often fail to take the time to sit down and write out what I really believe. I have done this with economics and things make so much more sense. I need to do the same for other areas of my life.

Post-industrial materialism

To be a good materialist, in the strict sense, you need to be an excellent capitalist. 

Materialism (adj. materialistic) is the excessive desire to acquire and consume material goods. It is often bound up with a value system which regards social status as being determined by affluence (see conspicuous consumption) as well as the perception that happiness can be increased through buying, spending and accumulating material wealth.

Capitalist -  a person who has capital especially invested in business;broadly :  a person of wealth :  plutocrat

However, materialism is just a symptom of a more severe disease. Materialism is simply the food for an ego with an endless appetite. It briefly satiates the hunger we have for meaning and purpose. 

To me, it seems rather clear modern materialism is about positioning yourself socially above others and publicly demonstrating your wealth. Materialism used to offer some physical benefit in that it might provide for a more comfortable or tasty existence. However in a world we homeostasis is all but guaranteed for a middle class person, additional capital is mostly directed at more expensive brands and has increasingly less to do with comfort. 

Wealth has historically been the most direct way to demonstrate this to others. However, we are slowly transitioning to a new age. Credit has made wealth subject to skepticism and (because of the recession) it's also becoming increasingly unfashionable to be ostentatious. 

The social currency of our age is no longer (or at least it won't be for long) a nice car, a big house or nice clothes (particularly in an age when environmentalism is one of the highest values). What matters is the public projection of one's digital image. It doesn't cost anything. In many ways it boils down to three things: pictures with beautiful people, travel photos and photos doing extreme or interesting things. I am the worst offender. In the end it's about ego. All it does is eat at the soul of others. It's hollow. It's the new rat race. Today we accumulate media not capital.

____

To be clear: I was contrasting capitalism and materialism with some friends (because they are often erroneously viewed as the same thing). In response a friend posted the definition of capitalist which is quite different (and quite similar, and likely the source of the confusion - we can thank Marx for that). I pointed out that you can be a humble, ecofriendly hermit who only uses barter and be a shining example of capitalism. The hallmarks of materialism: greed, industrial destruction, and ostentatious displays can exist under any economic system. Capitalism is simply an economic system that allows for the voluntary exchange of goods and services for mutual benefit. It says nothing about the underlying reasons for those transactions or the values of its participants.

Breaking through

I think doubt is natural, particularly when one has non-mainstream opinions.Things are easier when you don't disagree. You certainly don't want to be on the opposite side of things that might make you appear to be a bad person in the eyes of someone else. And like any idea, one must question them to test their authenticity. Eventually though, after enough deep questioning, you eventually have to trust your own conclusions (but still keep an open mind) and move forward with strongly held minority views. I think I am pretty close to that point now.

Planning

I just realized why I hate planning. I don't necessarily mind the structure, though that can be bothersome too. What I really hate is the selection process for something as simple as a hotel. Add in coupon codes and discount websites and the possibilities become exponential. On top of that add in a rental car and and local sights and you have even more to think about. All the planning almost necessitates a vacation just to unwind from all the choices. It's enough to fry my brain. It's so much easier to know I have a friend in another city and that I can just hop in the car and go visit them. They can tell me what's interesting when I get there. Just me, the open road and a few days to see something new...

"New? New is easy. Right is hard."

-Craig Federighi, SVP of Software at Apple on adding new features to the iPhone.

"We didn't start with 10 bits of technology that we could try go find a use for that we could add to our features list."

I think it's a good reminder for life.